Florida Heat
by caffinate-me
Summary: Four people are dead. A woman is found on the side of the road in rural Florida, battered and beaten with no memory of who she is or how she got there. All she remembers is a man with blue eyes and the name Nikki Heat. AU season 4.
1. Chapter 1

Florida Heat

A Castle Fan Fiction Story

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle; ABC and Andrew Marlowe do. But even if I did, I wouldn't change a thing, because, after all, there IS nothing sexier than swordplay. ;)

A/N: I understand that chapter one may be a little confusing, but stick with it and trust me everything will be explained in time. Feedback (good and constructive) is more than welcome- I look forward to hearing what you think. :)

Chapter 1

The first thing she saw when she awoke was a rainbow of color dancing in a blinding white light. There was a damp, cold surface beneath her aching body and her hand felt like it was on fire as she attempted to bring it up to rub her pounding forehead. Her fingers were stiff and they were covered by small burning bumps. She involuntarily let out a whimper as she attempted to bend her inflamed knuckles. Her eyes snapped back shut, overwhelmed by the stabbing pain and dancing lights. The only thought she could comprehend was that something was terribly wrong as the burning began to travel up her arm.

She forced her eyes back open as the burning sensation working its way across her body became too much to bare. Her eyelids felt like sand paper and she could feel welts beginning to form on them. Something was crawling over her face and she reached her aching hands up to brush it off, feeling tiny bumps forming as she did. A strangled scream left her throat as her eyes finally focused on the army of fire ants swarming over her body, and her body vaulted off of the ground seemingly of its own accord as adrenaline pumped through her. The pain she had been feeling a moment ago was suddenly gone as she scrambled to slap the small biting creatures off of her red inflamed skin. In a fluid motion she pulled her shirt over her head and wiggled out of her pants to finish brushing the ants off of her. Flipping her head over she ran her hands through her hair wildly.

Once she was sure there were no insects left on her body she flipped her head back up and slowly turned in a circle to take in her surroundings as her breathing returned to normal and the steady ache and burning pain returned to her body. She was on the side of a road and the sun beating down on her skin was overwhelming. She could see the waves of heat radiating off of the faded pavement and forced herself to squint into the distance; there were no cars in either direction as far as she could see. Glancing back down at the road she noted the lack of lines and the oversized potholes that connected the cracks in the surface. Not many people had been traveling this route. Her hand reached up to idly itch one of the bumps that dotted her stomach and realized that she was still holding her clothing, or what was left of it in her other hand.

Looking at the scraps of fabric, she questioned how useful they really would be, but any protection against the pounding sun would be better than nothing. Looking down she took inventory of her body as she slowly pulled her clothing back on; her feet were bare and had a layer of mud caked over an assortment of cuts and bruises, her legs were painted with black, blue, purple, green and yellow welts and her entire body was peppered with small red and white pustules from the fire ants. She probably looked like hell. The shirt was torn from the neck, leaving her left breast exposed after she pulled in on, and the jeans were torn down the side of the hip on her right side forcing her to hold the fabric together with her right hand.

As the final traces of adrenaline left her system she could feel her knees begin to give out from pain. She turned in another circle, forcing her legs to hold her up while she attempted to make a plan. Which way to go? She was standing in a shallow ditch, facing a dense line of trees and shrubbery. She could faintly see a fence passing through the brush, but something in the mind screamed at her to stay away from the single sign of life in the seemingly deserted area. Bad, was the only conscious thought that made its way to her brain. She shouldn't go that way. She glanced down at her torn pants and the scratches on her palms; chances are she had already climbed that fence once. She used her free hand to shade her aching eyes as she continued to turn and glanced both ways down the vacant road. With a sigh she began to walk.

It hadn't been a choice of which way to go- left or right- her body had merely began to stumble in a direction, her bruised and broken feet moving by shear will power and a want to get away from that fence. Her right hand throbbed as it remained clutched at her side but she doubted she could straighten out her fingers even if she wanted too. Her mouth was gummy as she worked her dry tongue out to moisten her cracked lips. She could feel the hot humid air filling her throat and coating her lungs as she gasped for breath and the world began to spin around her. Her next step stumbled and she could feel the ground moving closer and closer before the world, once again, went black.

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><p>Lights. More lights. Unrelenting, florescent lights that made her eyeballs want to pop straight out of her head. She shut her eyes again, tightly, in an attempt to keep her eyes where they were. The throbbing in her head turned into a pulsing in her ears as the pain radiated throughout her skull. She tried to call out, to make them take the lights away, but her tongue was stuck to the sand paper in her mouth.<p>

"Shh, miss, its okay, try to stay calm. You are safe now; you are in a hospital. Try to nod if you can understand me."

Stay calm? Nod? How was she supposed to do either of those things with the sound and light show going on in her brain?

"Miss? Miss, can you hear me?"

He wasn't going to shut up until she said something, was he?

Slowly she forced her eyes back open and attempted to blink away the pain. Where was she? He had said something she was supposed to do. She tried to bring her hand up to her face, why did it feel so stiff? She couldn't bend her elbow or her wrist. What the hell? What was going on? Where was she? A tear slipped from her left eye and left a wet trail down her temple before it dropped to the soft pillow under her head.

"Miss? Miss, I need you to nod if you can understand me."

The voice was persistent, and she forced her eyes to focus on the form standing next to her. He was saying something.

"Nod if you can hear me."

Oh, okay, nod. She could do that. She forced her head to move up and down and winced at the pain. That bastard, didn't he understand that it hurt.

She moaned as he smiled in relief, but forced herself to listen as he continued to talk. Dr. Collins. Hospital. Arms wrapped. Infected bites. Okay.

Her eyes burned and she let them drop closed again as someone wiggled a straw between her lips and told her to drink. She sucked some of the ice water into her mouth and coughed as it hit her throat. Assholes.

Her throat and lungs screamed as she continued to cough and attempted to talk for the first time. She wanted to tell them to leave her alone, to stop torturing her; making her nod her head and drink water. She wanted to cuss them out. All she was able to manage was a sputtering moan. Finally forcing words out, it felt like she was yelling, but barely a strangled whisper made it past her lips.

"What," She forced past the raw skin lining her throat. "What happened?"

The doctor and nurse exchanged a glance somewhere between pity and worry. "We were hoping you could tell us. A farmer found you along the side of a back road and called 911," the nurse said softly and slowly, like she was talking to a frightened child.

Her brain, which had been sluggish a moment ago, suddenly shifted into overdrive. Where was she? What had happened? How long had she been gone? Ants, she remembered thousands of tiny little devil ants. She remembered the burning and the cuts on her palm, and the bad fence. She remembered the hot breeze blowing through her tattered clothing. She remembered a damp dark room with a single flimsy mattress that smelled like mold. She remembered yelling and pain.

She felt the anxiety swelling in her chest and the beeping on the monitor started to go faster as her breaths began to get shorter. She remembered blue eyes that were smiling and crinkled at the corners. She remembered brown hair and an impish grin. Him, she remembered him. They had to call him. He would make everything better. The beeping on the monitor began to slow and her breathing began to even out.

"I need you to call him," she wheezed out. "He'll make everything better."

The doctor and nurse exchanged a confused glance as the woman stared past them at the far wall. The nurse reached out to stroke her hair in an attempt to calm the shaken woman.

"Who do you want us to call?" She asked quietly.

"He will make everything better, he needs to be here."

The doctor took in a breath, "Is the man you want us to call the same man that hurt you?"

What?

"What?"

"Is your husband, boyfriend, the man you want us to call; is he the same man that hurt you?"

She could feel the anger bubbling inside her as she pinned the doctor down with a glare.

"Of course not," she replied through clenched teeth, her brain finally catching up to the conversation. He would never hurt her, how could they even think that? "He would never hurt me, I would never even let him get close if he wanted to."

"Okay," The doctor sighed again, bringing a hand up to rub his brow. "What is his name?"

The woman looked at him, squinted and flickered her eyes from the doctor's face to look at the far wall her forehead scrunched in concentration.

"I, um, I don't remember," It was not a statement as much as it was a question.

Oh, God, she couldn't remember.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I still don't own it.

A/N: Thank you to everyone who is reading this story. I can definitely understand that chapter one is a little bit confusing and jumpy, but I was trying to write from the perspective of the main character. Things are starting to smooth out, and some explanations may be on the way- you never know. Once again, feedback is welcome and encouraged. =)

Chapter 2

She absently noted the nurse stroking her hair, as a parent would a sick child, as she once again racked her brain for answers. She could see his face so clearly: brown hair, blue eyes, and boyish grin. But there was nothing else. There was no voice and no name. She felt both joy and irritation begin to bubble through her chest when she focused in on his face. She knew that she liked him, and that she could trust him but there was something else, he way annoying, like little Bobby Thomas had been in kindergarten. Bobby Thomas? Where had that come from? She unconsciously drew her lower lip in between her teeth and began to chew lightly on the cracked flesh, until the metallic taste of blood hit her tongue. She gently pushed her lip back out of her mouth. Another tear made its way down her cheek as she struggled to sit up in the bed. She felt frail lying down in the bed, having to look up at the doctor and nurse standing over her. Sitting up she had more control.

The nurses voice had once again taken on an animated quality and she was making liberal use of the word 'we'. "We were going to go for a few tests", "we were going to have to answer a few questions" and "we will have this all figured out in no time". The injured woman let out an incredulous snort and resisted the overwhelming urge to roll her eyes. 'We' weren't the ones who couldn't remember our names now were we?

She let out another puff of air as Dr. Collins' penlight flashed in her right eye, flickered off and then flashed into her left eye. She could no longer resist rolling her eyes and managed a disgruntled glare as he began to press his fingertips onto her scalp, probing them down firmly into her skull. He watched her face as he asked if she was feeling any pain.

"Well, now I am," she snarked back.

The doctor sighed and removed his hands from her pounding skull, "Okay, well there doesn't seem to be any damage, but I still want to run some tests just in case."

The woman hung her head in defeat and took a moment to note that the long hair hanging over her shoulder was blonde. She hadn't had the chance to look in a mirror since she had woken up, and while, with the bandages, bruises and overall battle worn shape of her body, she wasn't sure if she wanted to see it, she was curious what she looked like. She struggled into the waiting wheelchair and she played gently with her fingers as they pushed her down the hall towards the radiology lab. She tried to imagine what they looked like through the gauze and beyond the inflammation. Her fingernails were short, no nonsense and clean from nail polish. She sighed again. This wasn't getting any easier.

When the test results returned with no significant signs of trauma, the doctor had declared that the memory loss was "all in her head" (no pun intended) and told her that she would probably feel better after a good night sleep.

Good night sleep her ass.

She may not remember much about her life, but she was beginning to get the sneaking suspicion that she did not like doctors.

Before settling in to go to sleep, she managed to swing her legs over the edge of the bed and shuffle her way, albeit stiffly, towards the bathroom. They had finally relieved her of the catheter before heading out to run the numerous over priced tests on her head, and the need to relieve herself was becoming overwhelming. Standing at the sink, she finally worked up the courage to lift her head and look into the mirror. The sight of the woman staring back at her made her gasp. Her face was covered in a mirage of bruises and ant bites and her right eye was swollen. She bit her lip involuntarily and sucked in a small gasp of air as her fingers traced a small cut over her eyebrow. She looked like hell. Continuing her assessment, she noted that her hair was definitely not naturally blonde and given the bad die job she couldn't blame the doctor and nurse for not taking her seriously. She looked like she could be a hooker- a low grade hooker at that. Oh, God, what if she was a hooker? That would suck.

"Five dolla, no holla," she whispered wryly into the mirror before barking out a laugh at the absurdity. It sounded so strange. Hopefully she wasn't really a hooker because, chances are, she would extremely bad at it. Once she was feeling better, she would definitely have to see about dying her hair back to its normal color. The blonde thing just wasn't working for her.

* * *

><p>Her dreams were disturbing to say the least. She was standing over a dead body but she was laughing. She wasn't laughing at the body, in fact, she felt really bad for the woman lying in the dank alley, but she was smiling. What was she smiling at? Oh, yeah, she was smiling at him. He had made a stupid comment, and she couldn't help but let the small chuckle slip before once again schooling her features. Then she was in the dark room again, with the moldy mattress and the stale air. She could barely breathe and the sliver of light leaking from under the door in the far corner was the only solace she could find. There was a way out, there had to be. And then the lights started to flash, bursts of bright white as she walked into a room and people began to scream.<p>

And then she was back in the dark room, yelling for anyone to hear here, yanking at the doorknob, dragging her cut and swollen foot behind her. Why wasn't anyone coming?

He was next to her again, and she smiled, indulgently as he was saying something. What was he talking about? Aliens? She could feel the woman in her dreams shake her head, always with the aliens.

And then the flashing lights and screaming were back and someone was shoving a microphone into her face.

"Oh, my gosh, is that her?" They were asking, "Is that Nikki Heat?"

Nikki Heat?

She awoke with a start and jammed her finger into the call button insistently.

"Nikki," she practically yelled as the young night nurse walked into the room. "My name is Nikki Heat. "


	3. Chapter 3

Florida Heat

Disclaimer: Alas, they aren't mine.

A/N: By popular demand I decided to write another chapter to this story. Please let me know if you want me to continue. :) I hope you all enjoy and remember, reviews are love. :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 3<span>

_Five Days Earlier_

"Human trafficking!"

Detective Kate Beckett lifted her head from her pile of paperwork to glance at her partner as he approached her desk and set a steaming cardboard coffee cup down in front of her. While she gave a small quirk of her lips in thank to the usual morning beverage, the bored expression on her face alerted him to her level of interest in his current theory.

"Excuse me."

"I bet they were part of a human trafficking ring."

"Right, Castle, because people like the Millers- two elementary school special ed. teachers, who foster formerly abused animals- really seem like the types to traffic women."

Kate rolled her eyes as she turned her attention back to the file laid out in front of her. She could feel him watching her as she lifted her coffee to her lips. She ignored him for another page of reading before giving in and looking up at him. He was leaning on his desk, his chip propped in one palm as the other one held his own coffee to his mouth.

"Admit it."

"No, it's not human trafficking."

"Not that."

"Then what? What am I supposed to admit, Castle?" Now she was just getting annoyed at his antics. It was too early for this.

"Admit that you are going to miss me while I am gone on tour for the next week." A small smug smile played on his lips, but she could see the actual concern hiding in his eyes.

Of course, it wasn't enough that she couldn't mess with him a little bit. "Oh, yeah, about that. Gates said that while you're gone, it would be the perfect time for me to find a, and I quote "real partner". So I will have my hands full while you're gone."

Castle's face fell and the coffee cup hung limply from his fingertips. The forlorn look on his face was almost too much for Beckett to bear and she reached for her own coffee to hide the smile that threatened her face.

"She's trying to replace me? But, it's me. I thought we were making so much progress. She's only yelled at me once this week. I have been helpful."

Beckett let out a noncommittal hum as she turned back to her paperwork and pretended to read. She watched him out of the corner of her eye as he sat looking like a lost puppy in his usual rickety green chair. After a couple of minutes she finally took pity on him and placed a hand over his.

"Don't worry. Ryan and Esposito have already come up with a plan to chase them all away. They know I am a one partner kind of girl," she reassured as she gave his hand a little squeeze. As he relaxed beside her she continued. "Besides, we have already broken you in. No use potty training someone else when we already have a perfectly good puppy right in front of us."

"Hey!" Castle bristled with indignation until he caught the teasing smile on his partner's face and squirmed in his seat attempting to muster up his dignity. "That wasn't very nice, Kate. Do I ever threaten to un-partner you or liken you to an untrained dog? I think not."

"Oh, I don't know, Castle," Kate rebutted, leaning back in her seat with her hands propped on her head. "I think it is a pretty apt description. After all the dog is man's best friend and you are my best friend, so it is reasonable to assume that you are in fact a dog."

Castle quirked an eyebrow at her, "Are you trying to tell me that you are really a man Beckett, because trust me, that would be a surprise. But I would love you and support you no matter what decision you make about your gender identity. I will even sit by you during your hormone therapy and while you grow facial hair."

Kate let out a bark of a laugh and Castle was effectively silenced by a pen bouncing off of his head.

"I knew it," he declared. "You are going to miss me."

* * *

><p><em>Present Day<em>

The nurse stared at the woman for a long moment. Why was she just looking at her like that? She remembered her name. Shouldn't the nurse be calling the doctor or something? She remembered the flashing lights and being called Nikki Heat. She remembered the man. If only she could remember his name too. It was there, she knew him, but she couldn't say it. It was there.

"Nikki. My name is Nikki."

The nurse finally seemed to snap out of her daze and mumbled something about being right back as she bolted back out the door.

'Nikki' leaned back in the bed, resting against the pillow as she brought her hands up to press against her still tender forehead. There wasn't a single part of her body that didn't hurt. Tears of frustration were threatening to spill again. This shouldn't be this hard. She remembered who she was, shouldn't they be plugging her name into a database or something? Calling the cops? From what she remembered she could be kind of famous. Wouldn't that make things easier?

She sat there for a few more minutes staring at the white ceiling, counting the tiles, then counting the different larger squares that could be made out of them. It was like doing a middle school math problem. _How many squares are on this page?_

"Stupid trick math problems", she mumbled to herself as she rubbed her eyes back into focus. Stuff like that would never help in the real world anyway. Thinking outside the box was overrated. No one ever got anywhere focusing on the weird and freaky stuff.

She looked up as the nurse came back into the room, a wide-eyed younger woman trailing behind her. The younger nurse, who was introduced as Angela, was carrying a book with her; one that she held out silently for 'Nikki' to take. She took it, confused, and ran a hand over the cover. _Heat Rises_. What?

"Your name isn't Nikki Heat, sweetie," the older nurse, Becky, started. "Nikki Heat is a character in a book."

The woman shook her head in frustration as she gripped the book tighter. "No, I remember. I remember walking into a room. There were cameras and flashing lights. I remember people saying that I was her; that I was Nikki Heat."

The nurse gave her a sympathetic look and patted her on the head. 'Nikki' gave her a withering glare; she really had to stop doing that. It was annoying.

She flipped through a few pages of the book absentmindedly until she finally flipped the book over and ran a hand slowly over the back cover taking in the picture of the man staring back at her. It was him— he was the man she had been seeing.

"Him," She exclaimed as the other two stared at her. "I know him. I need to talk to him."

The two nurses exchanged a look. The woman was clearly insane. "Richard Castle? You know him? You need to talk to Richard Castle?"

"Yes," she was starting to get frustrated. Why didn't they believe her? "I work with him. I remember. I know him."

"Sweetie, Richard Castle lives in New York. I highly doubt you know him."

"New York? Okay, well then where are we?"

"Jacksonville, sweetie. You're in Florida."

Florida? That wasn't right. New York sounded more right than Florida.

"Please," she pressed. This was right; she knew it. "I need to talk to him. Please. I could be wrong, I could be crazy but I need to talk to him. I need to be sure."

She was on the brink of tears again, but she didn't care. They had to believe her.

The younger nurse looked up at Becky. "His agent's number is on some of the fan sites. I can see if I can get a hold of her. It is a long shot, but it might work."

Becky sighed again and pressed two fingers to the bridge of her nose. Why was she the one that had to get stuck with the delusional psych patient?

"Okay, fine. It's not like we have many more choices. The doctors did say that her memory would need jolts to come back, since it is not physical."

'Nikki' sighed. Again, they were talking about her like she wasn't really here, but at least they were trying.

She watched as Becky nodded her acceptance of the plan and the two nurses filed back out to the hall to look up the number. It would work. She knew it would work. She just had to talk to him.

She had been channel surfing for over an hour before Becky and Angela, came back into the room, the book in one of her hands and a cell phone in the other. She made them put it on speaker while they made their way through the automated messages and directories.

"Gina Cowell," a woman's voice came over the speaker.

The three women exchanged a glance. It had been determined that Becky would talk and just tell the truth. The truth would be the best idea, right? "Yes, hi, my name is Rebecca Johnson, I am a nurse at Memorial Hospital in Jacksonville, Florida. I have a patient here who says she is a friend of Mr. Castle's and says she needs to speak to him. I was wondering if you would be able to get a hold of him for us."

There was silence on the other end of the phone. "If this patient really is a friend of Rick's then why didn't they call him on his cell phone? I really don't have time for this."

'Nikki' looked up in horror. No, she couldn't hang up on them. "No, please," she blurted out. "I have to talk to him. It is really important. Please, Gina."

There was another long pause on the other end. All three women exchanged a glance again. Did she hang up?

"Kate?"

The woman's head shot up. Kate? Who was Kate? Was she Kate? She looked at the stunned looks on the two nurses faces. Who cared if she was really Kate? She was in. To hell with the truth, it was time to lie through her teeth. "Yes, yes it is Kate."

"Well, sweetie, why didn't you just call him on his cell. Its not like you don't know the number. Isn't it like number one on your speed dial or something?"

'Kate' let out a small laugh as a huge smile spread across her face. "His cell number. Oh, um, my phone got destroyed and I don't have it memorized. Crazy, I know."

She smiled again. Her name was Kate and she knew Richard Castle.


	4. Chapter 4

Florida Heat

A/N: Okay, so I take it you all like it. :) Just a couple of notes: this is an AU story. Montgomery died but Kate wasn't shot. I am pretty much ignoring anything from season 4 except for the fact that Gates is the new Captain and yes it is set during the summer time.

Updates of all my other stories (Castle and SVU) will be coming soon. Remember, reviews are love so let me know what you think! :)

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><p><span>Chapter 4<span>

_Four Days Earlier_

Kate stared at her desk. Her elbows were propping her head up as her fists clenched at her hair, threatening to pull the roots straight from her scalp. This was beyond bad. This was torture. _He _was torture. Henry Johnson was the devil.

Gates had delivered on her promise. Henry Johnson had show up by her desk first thing in the morning all bright and shiny from the detective test. All that was missing was the big red bow. Beckett had sighed and set her coffee down on her desk a little bit to harshly as she shrugged off her briefcase and plopped down in her chair. Not only had Gates given her a new partner, she had given her a new detective as a partner.

Kate was sure Johnson would make a very good detective someday. He listened intently, was a fast learner and had an eye for detail. He may be green but he was quick. He was also a fan- a very enthusiastic fan. Over the past four years Kate had taken to teasing Castle about his fangirls. It was hilarious to watch them fawn over him and make him uncomfortable in the process. She would mock their squeals and stand back laughing as he pleaded for her to help him. Then she had been introduced to the concept of the fanboy. Now, fanboys were different than fangirls. Fangirls fawned over Castle, but fanboys fawned over both of them and Henry Johnson was the quintessential fanboy. So, she felt no qualms as she slowly unwound her finger from where they had been pressing into her scalp, silently stood from her desk and ignored whatever Johnson was prattling on about now and walked with purpose to Gates office; forcefully placed her request for the next six days off on her desk. Everyone had their breaking point and Kate Beckett had just met hers.

Castle had presented her with a key to his house in the Hamptons a couple of months before, after Montgomery had died, with a speech about summer coming soon and no pressure for anything. She didn't even have to tell him when she was going. It was merely an opportunity for her to get away- alone or with someone- if she wanted. She had put the key aside with a tightlipped thank you, determined to forget about it and suppress the flutter in her stomach at the thoughts of them in the Hamptons together. Instead of asking him to go to the beach house with her, she had asked for space. Now, it seemed like the perfect place to get away from reality for a couple of days- the perfect place to get away from Johnson, Gates and the space from Richard Castle.

Unfortunately, the beach house had to wait until tomorrow, and today Kate had to deal with Johnson. Because of this, Beckett had sent a silent thank you to Jesus when they had a break in the case two hours later and she had dragged Johnson by the ear to the elevator so they could bring in Jack and Judy Daniels for questioning in the deaths of the Millers'. When they had gotten to the Daniels' house and found the two teenaged girls in shackles in the basement she had sent a silent curse to Richard Castle for being right about the human trafficking ring. And when she had seen Johnson fall, and felt the prick of a needle to the back of her neck, she sent out a silent prayer to heaven that someone would find her.

* * *

><p><em>Present Day<em>

Richard Castle flexed the cramping fingers on his right hand as he glanced around the bookstore he was currently occupying in Houston, Texas. He had lost count of how many books he has signed in the past five days but it had to be in the thousands. Fleetingly he considered having a stamp made: "Thanks for being a fan. Richard Castle." He sighed. It would never work. So, instead, he flexed his fingers again and picked up his pen once more. His mind drifted to his cell phone as he murmured a few more rehearsed lines and smiled at the giggling co-eds and housewives standing in front of him. He had debated whether to call for the last few days but had resisted. She wanted space. He could give her space. Then, when he got back, he would take her to dinner- just as friends and partners, of course- and maybe bring her flowers. He smiled to himself as he handed a signed book back to its owner. She would never admit it, but she loved flowers.

His eyes flickered over to his cell once more and he was startled to see a 904 number flashing on the screen silently in front of him. Where the heck was 904? The voicemail clicked on and the flashing stopped. He shook his head and turned back to his fans. Seconds later the same number flashed on the screen and he couldn't help the sinking feeling that punched him in the gut. Quickly, he smiled an apology at the line and motioned over an aid to take over for a minute while he made his way to the back room, phone in hand. Two minutes later Castle was running out the front door of the bookstore, and five hours and one restless layover after that he was renting a car in Jacksonville, Florida.

* * *

><p>He was sitting at her bedside when she woke up. Becky had gone out to the desk before calling Richard Castle's cell phone. Kate's heart monitor had begun to jump after they had hung up with Gina and the nurses were concerned that the stress was beginning to get to her. She had finally fallen asleep a couple of hours later when her eyelids were too heavy to stay open. Angela had given her copies of <em>Heat Wave, Naked Heat <em>and _Heat Rises. _She had been reading for hours, falling into the semi-familiar world of Nikki Heat. There was an ache in her chest as she read about Nikki and Rook, a feeling of longing. The book still rested on her chest when her green eyes opened and met his blue ones staring back at her. It was like she was staring at a familiar stranger- someone you could swear you knew but not know from where.

"Hi." Her voice was still horse and her throat still felt like sandpaper.

"Hey."

His smile was kind and she noticed then that he was holding her hand. He knew her. Slowly his free hand rose up and brushed a lock of hair out of her face- her swollen, beaten, bandaged face. He stroked the strands for a few minutes, playing with the ends, studying the fake straw-like color. "What happened?"

What happened? That was the question of the day, wasn't it? She felt the need to roll her eyes and let out a snarky comment but her emotions betrayed her and she felt her face crumble as a sob built in her throat. His hand tightened around hers as the tears fell down her face.

"I don't remember."

His curious expression softened as he looked at her, the concern evident in his eyes. "Well, we'll figure it out." He paused again, letting a soft smile slip out as he stared at her. She could have sworn she saw love etched on his face as he stared at her. "What is the last thing you do remember?"

She looked at him, taking in the crease of his forehead, the feel of his hand still resting on her head as his other thumb brushed her hand softly. There was something more in his eyes, more than the concern and it made her heart break a little bit. It was a longing, a hope. She considered being evasive. Saying that it was a blur, giving the small details that she had in hopes that he would fill in the blanks without ever knowing that she had no memory at all except for his face. But lying there staring at him she couldn't do it. She didn't know who she was or who he was but she knew she couldn't lie to him. Lying to him would break his heart; it would break hers, too.

She let out a sigh as she brought her free hand up to remove the book from her chest- giving herself a minute to figure out the best way to delve carefully into this conversation, to explain the events since she had woken up in the hospital. Once again, she came up blank, so she simply voiced the one question her brain kept spinning in circles.

"My name is Kate, right?"

The realization in his eyes was overwhelming as he sucked in a breath and brought both of his hands up to his head, running is fingers through his hair. He studied her- her battered face, bandaged arms and her hair. Her eyes watched him as he stared at her hair. His eyes widened as something clicked in his brain and his hand went back to her head to hovered over it for a minute before stroking his hand over her hair once again. Her eyes closed as she let her head fall to the side, resting against his palm.

"Yeah," he whispered. "Your name is Kate."


	5. Chapter 5

Florida Heat

Chapter 5

_Seven Days Earlier_

"Hey Lanie, what we got?" Kate questioned her friend as she crouched down next to the body. It was six AM, there was a dead girl in an alley, the temperature was already 90 degrees and it was freakishly humid outside. It was not gearing up to be a good day.

"She's young, my guess would be somewhere between eighteen and twenty. Blonde is definitely not her natural hair color. She has bruises all over her body, along with assorted cuts, scars and burn marks. There is evidence that she has been choked but it would be the bullet to the head, execution style that actually killed her." Lanie rattled off the details without looking up at her friend. She wasn't sure if she could take the mournful look she knew was present on Kate's face.

Kate blanched at the information and stared at the girl for a few more minutes. Her clothes were nothing more than rags hanging off of her emaciated body. What happened to her? She was startled out of her thoughts by the smell of coffee and she turned her head until the paper take away cup was in her eye line.

"Large skim latte two pumps sugar-free vanilla."

Kate looked up at him and gave a soft grin. "Hey, Castle."

"Hey."

Kate took the coffee with one hand, wincing as the heat radiated through the cup and burned her fingers. She blew on the top softly while her other hand wiped across her forehead and around the back of her neck smoothing away the sweat that was gathering there. It was too hot outside but she drank the coffee anyway.

It was never too hot for coffee.

Kate looked around the alley. There was a dumpster in the corner and assorted garbage littering the street. No more blood, no tire tracks. Nothing. The techs hadn't found anything yet either. The girl had been abused, strangled, shot and dumped like a piece of garbage. Kate sighed and brought the scalding fluid to her lips once more, wincing as it burned her mouth and down her throat. Her hands were sticky inside the plastic gloves. This was the second girl in two days and they had a couple of special education teachers that had been found the night before that.

Four dead bodies and no leads at all.

* * *

><p><em>Present<em>

Richard Castle slouched down in a hard blue plastic chair in the hospital hallway. He leaned back against the wall and brought his fingers up to pinch his nose. He had just hung up with Esposito. Kate had been missing for four days and no one had called him. Gates had ordered them not to, citing that he would just get in the way of the investigation. Ironically, he had been the one to find her. Well, she found him, but still. He was with her now and Esposito and Ryan were on the way.

Rick stared at his phone for a minute, pressing random buttons, opening and closing apps, checking his email and twitter- not actually reading any of the words on the page. Kate had fallen back asleep half an hour ago. Castle had managed to hold himself together while he was in the room, while she had been asking him questions, while she had been sitting there silently, holding his hand, as she had stared into space trying to fill in the blanks. He could see the frustration etched on her face even if no one else could. He knew her even if she didn't know herself at the moment.

Now, sitting in the hall, he allowed himself to break as he felt the tears sting at his eyes. The doctors had said there was no lasting physical trauma that her memory loss was not permanent- she just had to allow herself to remember. Rick snorted out a laugh- why would she want to remember? The last few months had held more trauma for her than most people saw in a lifetime. Feeling a presence above him, Castle looked up to see the young nursing assistant, Angela, standing awkwardly in front of him clutching a clipboard to her chest.

"I'm sorry to bother you Mr. Castle, but we need some of this information filled out for Ms. Beckett and since she can't remember…" Angela's voice trailed off and she shifted from foot to foot.

"It's detective. Detective Beckett," he snapped.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know."

Castle closed his eyes and took in a deep breath. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped. This is just hard."

Angela nodded an acceptance of the apology as Castle reached out and took the board and packet of papers. The pen dangling from the metal chain clanked against this side of the pressboard. He juggled his phone as he tried to situate himself and let out a snort of amusement as he caught sight of a video that started to play muted on the screen.

"Here," he said, patting the seat next to him. "Sit down. I want to show you something."

He punched up the volume on his phone and set the video to replay, angling it so that they both could see the screen flash as Kate Beckett's face came into view. It had been taken months before at the precinct and she was bent over her desk, pen in hand as she filled out lines of paperwork, and scribbling on post-it notes between sips of coffee.

"_Castle? What are you doing? Turn that thing off."_

"_No, this is a monumental occasion. I want you to repeat what you just said for the camera. It needs to be documented for future occasions. "_

"_Castle," Beckett warned as she tried to grab the phone from his hand, her brown hair falling in her face as she leaned forward in her chair, causing the screen to jump as he jerked the phone back. _

"_Just say it Beckett. Say it and I will turn the camera off. I promise."_

"_No, I'm not going to say it."_

"_Come on, I know you want to."  
><em>

"_No!"_

"_Yes."_

"_No! I am not going to say it. Now, turn off the camera so I can get my work done." She turned and leaned back over her paperwork, attempting to ignore him. _

_Her face got closer as he maneuvered the phone down between her head and the desk. _

"_Say it. Please? For me?"_

_She let out an exasperated huff and rolled her eyes as she leaned back in her chair to face him. "Fine, but if I say it will you please leave me alone?"_

"_Yes. I promise. Now say it."_

_She rolled her eyes again at his antics and tried to suppress that small, Kate smile that crossed her face. "Okay, I admit it. Watermelon Jollyranchers are better than green apple. Are you happy now?"_

"_Extremely. Now hurry up with that paperwork. Esposito owes me a beer. He bet that you wouldn't say it."_

_The camera jumped again as Castle ducked to avoid the pen flying at his head._

Castle smiled as he tapped the screen to exit out of the video. He looked over at Angela who was still staring at the phone.

"That's the woman I need to get back. That snarky, bull-headed, eye-rolling detective is still in there somewhere and I need to figure out a way to help her find her way back. So, I was wondering if you could do me a favor."

Angela nodded, glancing back through the doorway at the woman sleeping curled up in the bed, looking nothing like the detective in the video, as she listened to list of items Castle was asking her to pick up from the store. Castle rose from his chair and turned back towards the room, clipboard in hand as Angela made her way down the hall the list and cash that he had given her clutched in her hand.

"Mr. Castle?"

Castle turned back towards the girl. "Nikki Heat is Detective Beckett, right?"

Castle grinned a little at the question that Beckett would have balked at. "Nikki is based on Beckett, yes."

"So that makes you Jameson Rook?"

Castle nodded and watched as a smile spread across Angela's face.

"Then I know that she is going to be all right. You two will figure it out together."

Castle smiled at the ground and shook his head as the girl turned to walk down the hall again a little bounce in her step as her ponytail swung from side to side. She was right, though, they would figure it out. They had too.

* * *

><p>Castle was working his way through the packet of paperwork as he sat in the chair beside Kate's bed. He was amazed at how much he actually knew about her. He filled out the allergy information quickly checking "no" to every box. That was easy. He pulled her social security number from somewhere in his memory. He jotted down her father's phone number, which he had stored in his phone. He momentarily got stuck when it came to family history of illness, but made his way through slowly as he pulled up the conversations they had had over the course of the past four years.<p>

She was still sleeping and every couple of minutes he would stop writing just to look at her. Even lying there covered in bumps and bruises she was still beautiful. He looked up after filling out the last page and found her staring back at him.

"Hi."

"Hey," she whispered back as she brought a hand up to wipe the sleep from her eyes. "What are you doing?"

Castle shrugged as he looked back at her, enthralled, momentarily letting himself wonder if she always had that sleepy relaxed look when she woke up in the morning. "Just giving the hospital your life story."

Kate lifted her head slightly from the pillow and glanced down at the clipboard. "Let me see that."

Castle smiled at the very Beckett like demand and placed the requested item in her outstretched hand. He watched as she pushed herself up to sit in the bed and looked over the information.

"You know all of this about me?"

Castle nodded as she looked over at him.

She shoved a lock of hair behind her ear and bit her lip. Two ingrained Beckett ticks.

"Are we, you know, together?"

Castle chuckled ironically. That was the question of the decade, wasn't it?

"No. No, we're not. You're my partner and best friend." _For now._

Kate nodded as she bent back over the pages and Castle turned as Angela entered the room, a plastic bag and a pair of scrub pants in hand.

"I asked Angela to pick up some stuff. Hopefully it will help you get your memory back," Rick explained as he took the bag and placed it in Kate's lap.

He watched as she took the items out one by one, inspecting them in true form. She tore open the bag of Skittles the moment she saw them and popped a few in her mouth, chewing happily as she brought out the next item: a box of light brown hair dye. She lifted an eyebrow at him and he shrugged. She turned back and laughed as she pulled out the last item, holding up the shirt for inspection.

"Okay, Castle," she said as she grabbed the candy and dye in one hand and swung her legs off the bed. "Come on and help me get my hair back to its normal color."

Rick smiled and grabbed the Batman t-shirt and scrubs off of the bed as he followed her to the small bathroom. A lip bite, eye roll and raised brow all in one conversation. Maybe his plan would work after all.


	6. Chapter 6

Florida Heat 

A/N: I apologize for the delay, but here is the much anticipated chapter 6. You all are awesome- seriously I love how enthusiastic you all are about this story! Reviews are love so let me know what you think! :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 6<span>

Castle watched as Kate sat, cross-legged on the closed toilet seat in the cramped hospital bathroom, staring at the small screen of his iPhone. He couldn't call her Beckett. She wasn't Beckett. She was still tough, you could see it in her eyes but she wasn't as guarded. She was simply being Kate, trying to figure out how to be herself. She popped another Skittle into her mouth and giggled at what she was watching. Castle started slightly and let a small smile cross his face. Kate Beckett just giggled. He let his eyes roam over her for a minute. The white hospital gown glowed against the sunburn. Most of the bandages had been removed but scabs, bites, scrapes and rainbow of bruises still marred her skin, decorating her arms and face. Her finger came up and scratched her scalp through the shower cap, making the plastic crinkle and the brown hair dye smear, before diving back in for another handful of candy.

She tore her eyes away from the screen and squinted up at him, the gauze above her eye crinkling. "This is me? Seriously? That is so weird. I'm a detective? No, actually that makes sense… well it makes my dreams make sense at least. There were always dead bodies and you were there, but I can't really see myself as being a cop. It's odd, you know, I love books, for some reason I feel like I would have studied literature or something."

Castle looked at her staring up at him, the questions evident in her eyes and he felt his heart break in that moment. He had shied away from the topic of her parents, simply telling her that he had spoken to her father and explained everything. Forcing his lips up in a small smile, he held up a towel.

"Come on, it's time for you to rinse that stuff out."

* * *

><p>Castle sat sunken into the chair by then empty bed while he listened to the shower running in the other room. The pain in her eyes, the haunting look that was usually there, was gone and Castle couldn't help but think that he was a little bit glad. She was in pain and had woken up not even knowing her own name, but she looked happier than he had ever seen her. Now, he had to ruin that. Now, he had to look her in the eyes, those beautiful, wide, green eyes and tell her that her mother was murdered and that's why she became a cop. He sighed as the water shut off.<p>

He listened to everything. He heard the glass door of the shower slide open. He heard the rustling of cloth and movement as she dried her self off and slipped into clothing. He heard the tuneless melody she had been humming. He heard her gasp softly and laugh as he imagined her leaning towards the mirror and run a hand through her hair.

"So, how does it look?"

The voice startled Rick out of his musings and he looked up to see Kate leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom, arms crossed over her chest— halfway hiding the Bat Symbol on the shirt, eyebrow raised. Adorable. He took in her long, damp hair hanging limply over her shoulder and her flawed, blemished, previously perfect skin. A smile crossed his face involuntarily and he brought up a hand to run through his own light brown hair. She still looked beautiful.

"Perfect. You look perfect."

Rick watched in amusement as she walked to the bed, the bag of candy clutched in one hand and the waistband of the scrub pants clenched in the other.

"They're too big," she explained without prompt when she saw him looking at her. That's when he noticed that she was too thin. It had been less than a week since he had seen her and she had already lost a good amount of weight. He stared at her, looking deeper than he had since he had run into the hospital room hours before. Under the layers of bruises, bites and gauze her cheeks were sunken into her face and the black bags hung heavy under her eyes. When she bent over to pick something up off of the floor he could see her vertebrae protruding through her shirt and the outline of her ribs against the cotton. He could feel the bile rising in his throat as his breath caught in his chest.

"God, Kate, what happened to you?"

His eyes widened as she froze, mid step to the bed. Did he just say that out loud? Kate hung her head, and pushed a clump of hair behind her ear self-consciously as her feet shuffled once again towards the bed and sat, facing away from him as she began to run the hairbrush, which had been supplied by the hospital in a box of toiletries, through her freshly dyed hair.

"I don't know Castle," her voice was soft, defeated. "And I'm not sure that I want to."

Suddenly, the videos, hair and trivial tricks didn't seem as important. What if she truly just didn't want to know, to remember her life and the events of the past few days? He thought back to the look on her face as she sat in the bathroom minutes before, the wonder in her eyes, the small giggle the passed her lips and the full smile on her face. Even with the trauma of waking up with no memory she looked so happy, so free. God help him, what if he didn't want her to remember, either?

* * *

><p><span>3 Months Before<span>

They stood facing each other in her living room, just as they had days before when she told him that they were over.

_You don't know me Castle; you think you do, but you don't._

The words hung in the air. Montgomery was dead. She was broken and he was still there, refusing to leave.

"I need some space, Rick— just a little bit of time," Kate whispered, her voice refusing to function properly. She looked small with her dress uniform jacket, open, hanging limply off of her shoulders and her hair, which she had pulled out of the bun, tumbling down her back. She knew he could see the black bags under her eyes, through the layers of foundation, concealor and eyeliner, but she didn't care. She could see the dark circles under his eyes, highlighting the disappointment.

"Okay," was his only response, his posture mirroring her own: arms crossover over chest, slumped shoulders, hung head.

He refused to meet her eye as he turned towards the door and she wanted nothing more than to call him back, to let him know that she didn't mean it. She didn't want space, she only wanted everything in this messed up, unimaginable situation to make sense. She wanted him to refuse to leave.

"Kate. I…" he paused and sighed with his hand on the doorknob, turning his head towards but still not looking at her. "Just please. Let this go. I'm not saying forever, I just mean for now. They killed Montgomery. If I hadn't pulled you from that building they would have killed you, too."

"You don't know that," she interrupted.

"Yes, I do." The venom in his voice made any more smart comments she had die on her lips. "They would have killed you and I couldn't live with that. I couldn't live without you. So, please, just walk away for now. Let things calm down and then we will go back to it. You're not the only one in this, Kate. It isn't all about you anymore."

Kate stood, rooted in her spot, as the door slammed shut behind him and the stream of tears fell down her face. She brought a hand up to her cheek, pressing her palm against the moist skin. No, it wasn't all about her anymore. The room seemed to close around her as she collapsed to her knees, curling up into a ball. No, it wasn't only about her and that was the bad part. She had dragged him in: him, his mother, and his daughter. They were all in it with her and they could die with her but she couldn't do it, she couldn't just walk away. She couldn't abandon her mother but she couldn't abandon him either.

* * *

><p>"You're right." Kate placed a cup of coffee in front of him as she slid into her desk chair the next morning. "I need to back down. There is too much at stake. Too many people could get hurt if I just keep running at this."<p>

Castle looked up at her, shocked. She had just folded. Kate Beckett never just folded.

"So, you're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad? You said what you needed to say and you were right. I need to back away from this, but I still need some space to work everything out for myself. Can you give me that?"

Castle nodded hesitantly as he looked at the tired woman sitting beside him. If she was willing to back down then he could give her some time. He could wait.

"We'll figure it out, Kate." He placed his hand on top of hers and gave a gentle squeeze. "Give it a few months. When things calm down we will dive back in together. Until then, I will give you whatever space you need. I promise. Just tell me when."

His eyes met hers and she saw the raw emotion there. She saw the love and she almost cried right there in the middle of the precinct. She couldn't handle it, not now; it was too much. Instead she brought the coffee to her lip, gave him a quick, tight smile and slid her hand out from under his. The feeling of the cold air on her skin was worse.

* * *

><p>Kate kicked off her heels as she made her way back into her apartment. It had been a slow day at the precinct and Montgomery's office was still dark. One of the senior detectives was in charge temporarily until their new captain was named, but he had refused the office. It had taken everything in her not to bury her head in her hands and weep every time she looked at the closed door. All of his belongings were still there, like a shrine. His wife hadn't come to collect them yet, and no one else wanted to touch them.<p>

Changing into sweats and a baggy t-shirt she padded her way through the still apartment and poured herself a glass of wine. She took a sip and made her way back, past her bedroom door, past the couch and into the small office at the back of her apartment. Methodically she booted up the computer and pulled open the necessary files before folding open the shutters to her makeshift murder board. Taking another sip of wine she reminded herself to order something to eat as she looked over the various documents, post-its and random scribbled notes. He didn't have to know, she convinced herself as she stared at the pictures and sat down at the computer. No one would have to know that she was still looking into this and no one would risk getting hurt. Now, it was only her. She was in this alone again, as it should be.

Three hours later the bottle of wine was gone, the take out menus were still in their place, forgotten, and Kate was asleep with her body bent and her head resting next to the keyboard on her desk.

* * *

><p><span>Present<span>

"Kate, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I was just momentarily shocked by how much weight you've lost."

"Castle, it's fine. Don't worry about it."

Her words were hollow and she refused to look him in the eyes as she pulled the sheets back and prepared to slip into the bed. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm tired and would like to get some sleep."

_I need some space, Rick— just a little bit of time._

He watched as she stood across the hospital bed from him, her head hung as she shifted from foot to foot with her hands crossed over her stomach, effectively hiding her too small waist from his sight. She was dismissing him. A couple of hours ago she had asked him not to leave her alone and now she was dismissing him from her room so she could sleep. He should be comforted to know that the same old Kate Beckett was still in there somewhere— the one that sent him mixed signals and had a wall around her heart, but he wasn't. He wanted to shake her and yell at her that he was sorry, to freaking let him in already. Instead he nodded and mumbled a response about leaving his number and the name of his hotel with the nurse if she needed him.

He didn't go to the hotel, instead he found himself on the side of the road, sweating in the intense Florida heat, the sun beating down on him from the clear blue sky and the humidity wrapping around him like a suffocating wet blanket. He squinted through his sunglasses as he held a hand up to shield his eyes. He might have to invest in a hat if he stayed here much longer. He pulled his collar away from his neck and rolled up the sleeves to his dress shirt. It was definitely too hot for this.

There was nothing around him. He was standing in the exact spot that the farmer had found Kate a couple of days earlier, as the sheriff watched him with a bored expression.

"I'm not sure what you are hoping to find. We already looked all around this area, Mr. Castle. We knocked on doors and flagged down drivers. I know most of the people who live in this area and they are good people, farmers mostly. They work hard and earn an honest living," the sheriff stated, with a soft southern accent, as he leaned against the side of his patrol car.

Castle sighed and walked down the rode a little ways. "I don't know what I am hoping to find either, Sheriff, but there is something out here we're not seeing. Either she was dumped here or she escaped from one of these houses and someone is lying. Either way, I don't think we'll know until she starts to remember."

Rick slid into the passenger seat of the patrol car and pointed as many air vents towards himself as possible as the sheriff turned over the engine and pulled back onto the faded, cracked road. He wiped a sleeve over his forehead as he stared out the window and watched the pine trees fly by as they sped back towards the city. If only she actually wanted to remember.


	7. Chapter 7

Florida Heat

A/N: Sorry about the delay between updates but here is a short chapter to tide you over. I am so glad you all are enjoying this story! Thank you for all of your responses, excitement and encouragement! You all rock. :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 7<span>

Castle didn't sleep that night. Instead, he found himself staring at a series of pages covered in magic marker that he had taped to the wall of his hotel room. He had the rattling air conditioner running full blast, but he was still sweating as he sat on top of one of the double beds, cross-legged in a white undershirt and blue plaid boxers. He had talked the sheriff into giving him copies of some of the crime scene photos- ones of Kate battered and bruised and the ditch in which she was found. He hadn't put those up on the wall, he couldn't handle staring at them constantly and he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep with them staring back. Not that he ended up sleeping anyway.

The blonde hair. He kept on coming back to it. Why would someone kidnap her and dye her hair blonde? What was the point? Castle looked over the notes again and tried to think back to the cases they had been working when he had left. Kate had disappeared the day after so chances were it had to do with one of those cases and not a new one. Two of the victims they had had before he had gone on tour had been blonde but they were both younger- teenagers. The other two victims were schoolteachers; stand up members of the community- didn't litter, donated to the ASPCA, hosted foreign exchange students.

Foreign exchange students. Castle's ears perked up as he remembered that detail and he scrambled off of the bed, bringing a marker up to the wall. Both of the girls they had found hadn't been residents. Dental work had shown they had been European. They had automatically assumed they had been illegals when they hadn't been able to find IDs or information on them in any database, but what if that hadn't been true? He tried to think back to the crime scenes, to the Millers' house. There had been a ton of pictures on the walls; the Millers' with their adopted pets and the series of exchange students. Castle's eyes widened as the marker went limp in his hand. They had all been girls and they had all been blonde. He had been right. Oh, God, he had been right. It had been human trafficking.

Kate…

* * *

><p>When Castle arrived at the hospital later that morning he had already guzzled two double espressos and was working on a latte. He had a second cardboard to-go cup and a thin paper pastry bad grasped in his left hand. He let out a sad smile when he saw the hunched form of Javier Esposito sitting, elbows on knees, hands clasped behind his hung head, in one of the hard plastic chairs in the hall.<p>

"Hey Esposito," Castle said as he approached the other man, sitting down gently in the seat beside him.

When Javier didn't respond Rick glanced through the window behind him to see Kate sitting cross-legged on the bed, facing Ryan who was sitting in the chair at the bedside. They were talking animatedly about something.

"What are they talking about?"

"Wedding details," Esposito's response was low as he raised his head back up and tilted it to lean against the wall behind him. "She doesn't remember any of it."

Castle nodded in understanding. When he had first started coming around the precinct it had been Esposito who had dragged him out into the back alley and stared him down with a steely glare and a threatening big brother speech. He was the one that had her back; that protected her, but he couldn't protect her from this. None of them could.

"What happened to the other guy, the one that Gates brought in, Johnson?"

Esposito shrugged his shoulders, brings a hand up to rub his brow. "We don't know. He hasn't been found yet."

Castle nodded and leaned back, mirroring Esposito's posture. "Did you bring those case files with you? I managed to put together some theories but I want to check my facts again before I'm sure. Truth is, I don't know if I want to be right or not."

Javier glanced over at him, both men emotionally drained, sitting in uncomfortable slick plastic chairs in a stark hospital that smelled like antiseptic. "Yeah, man. I got them. You want to set up here?"

"No, I have a hotel just a few blocks over. More privacy."

"Hey, Rick. Is that for me?"

Castle looked around Esposito to see Kate leaning against the doorframe leering at the coffee hungrily.

"Of course it is. I always bring you coffee," he replied automatically before noting his verbal gaff. She didn't remember that he always brought her coffee.

"Oh, well, thanks," she answered as she reached out to grab the cup and bag from his outstretched hand. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

Both of them glanced towards Esposito who was already pushing himself out of his seat and walking towards Ryan who had come out of the hospital room behind Beckett.

"Come on, man. Let's go get ourselves some coffee since someone wasn't considerate enough to bring us any," he grumbled good naturedly as the Irishman fell into step beside him.

"That's what we get for not being pretty."

"Speak for yourself, bro. I happen to be very pretty."

Rick and Kate sat staring at the two retreating backs as they made their way down the hall towards the cafeteria.

"Are they always like that?" Kate questioned, bringing the to-go cup up to her lips for her first sip before diving in to devour the bear claw.

"Everyday," Castle replied. "Look, about yesterday. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said what I did."

"No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have kicked you out," Kate countered. "I, just… this is hard, Castle."

"I know," he replied, snaking an arm around her shoulders to pull her into a sideways hug, her head falling to rest against his shoulder. "We'll figure it out. We'll get you back to normal."

Kate nodded against his shoulder before they fell into silence, sitting cuddled in the hard plastic chairs, for a long moment. "What were you and Javier talking about?"

"You, well, your case. They brought some info down with them that we are going to set up."

"Can I come?" Kate looked up at him, raising her head slightly with the question. "The doctors cleared me physically this morning. The bruises will heal and there is nothing wrong with me besides my memories. There is no reason for me to stay in the hospital."

Castle blinked in response. He wasn't used to hearing Kate Beckett ask permission. Normally, she just did what she wanted, ordering everyone else in the process, damn the consequences.

Ryan and Esposito chose that moment to return from their coffee run and Castle moved to take his arm back instinctively, ignoring the boys' knowing glances.

"I don't see a problem with that. I will call and book you a room while you get discharged. But if you will excuse me for a second, I have one last stop to make before we leave."

Kate nodded in response before pushing herself out of her chair and wandering back into her room, coffee in one hand, the other still holding up her too big pants. Castle made a mental note to pick up some better-fitting clothes for her.

* * *

><p>"Hey, doc, do you have a minute?" Castle knocked quietly on the partially open door before sticking his head into the small office.<p>

"Mr. Castle, of course. What can I do for you?"

Castle walked into the office, grasping Dr. Singh's hand in his own. "I have a question for you about Kate's memory."

The psychiatrist motioned for Castle to sit down in one of the chairs across his desk as he returned to his own. "Has anything come back to her?"

Castle sighed and shook his head. "I've told her stories, showed her pictures and videos. I even got her some of her favorite things. It's like she is watching the life of someone else. I don't know what to do and we can't go back to New York yet. Part of this case is here and we need her to remember. She is the only link."

"The videos and photos you've shown her; the stories, have they all been from work?"

Castle nodded. That was all he had. Beckett's life had pretty much revolved around the precinct the last few months. She had been declining invitations out with the gang, getting to the station house before anyone else and leaving after. "She pretty much lives for her job."

"Well, Mr. Castle. It is that job that did this to her. It is probably what she is hiding from. If you want her to remember, you need to get her away from that; make her remember things other than being a detective. You need to start with good memories, one's that she isn't afraid of. Get her out of the hospital; make her feel safe but if she asks about something painful, don't lie to her. The truth may hurt her right now, but lying to her, holding things back, will just make her confused once her memories do start to come back. She needs to know that what she is remembering is real and not something her mind has made up. According to the scans, there is nothing physically wrong with Ms. Beckett. She isn't remembering simply because she doesn't want to."


	8. Chapter 8

Florida Heat 

A/N: To any new readers: Welcome! I am so happy to see you! Thank you all for your reading and for your encouragement. I am glad you are enjoying this story.

To answer a couple of questions: this is AU season 4. Montgomery was shot and killed but Kate was not shot. It picks up about 3 months after the funeral and then flashes back in time when indicated. Gates is the new captain, of course, but nothing else from season 4 has happened. Everything else (relationship with Josh included) will be answered in time. ;)

Now on with chapter 8! Enjoy! :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 8<span>

Unknown Days Prior

Kate's eyes flickered open but she couldn't see anything. It was dark, so dark that the hard she held up over her eyes had no form. There was no light creeping in under the door, if there even was a door. She pushed herself off the damp, mildew-covered mattress she was lying on and stumbled until she ran into a wall. Her body hurt and her legs buckled and she slid to sit on the floor. Bracing her arms against the concrete floor she tried to push herself up only to feel pain shoot straight up to her shoulders and reverberate through her temple. She let out a scream of pain and allowed herself to slide back down to the lie on floor, resting her head against the cool concrete. She pulled her lip in between her teeth and winced as the metal taste of blood hit her tongue.

What was wrong with her? How long had she been unconscious?

She forced herself to sit up again, turning around the face the wall, her cheek resting against it. It took too much energy just to make small movements.

"Help! Someone help me!" She croaked out her throat dry and raw. She lifted her only good arm to pound against the wall, her palm merely slapping the concrete, making no sound at all.

Think, Kate. What happened? She and Johnson had gone to see Jack and Judy Daniels. Something had happened there. She raised a hand to rub her brow and winced as she felt the welt on her forehead and the tenderness around her eye. Slouching down against the wall she took inventory over the rest of her body, as well as she could without seeing it. Her clothes were in one piece but her shoes were gone and so were her necklace and watch. Her lip was bleeding and she had assorted other aching bruises and stinging cuts all over her body. She reached a hand down and felt in between her thighs and breathed a sigh of relief. It didn't feel like she had been raped.

She felt her left arm. Something was wrong with it. She started with her wrist and worked her way up until she felt the tender bulge at her shoulder. It was dislocated.

Forcing herself to stand, her legs shaking underneath her, she breathed in as deeply as she could, taking a moment to steady herself. With all of the force she could muster she ran into the wall, slamming her shoulder against it, popping the joint back into place.

A scream echoed through the bare room as she stumbled backwards, falling to the mattress writhing in pain. She hissed through her bared teeth as she felt her pulse pounding in her shoulder, the throbbing traveling up to her forehead, vibrating through her skull; pain searing all the way to her fingertips. That had been a bad idea.

The pain in her head became overwhelming, and her eyes snapped shut, when the door flew open and the room was flooded in a brilliant bright light. The idea that she should try to escape danced in her head momentarily as she flailed one arm, attempting to push herself up again.

A hand reached out through the light and grabbed her injured arm, forcing her back down to the floor. She was almost grateful for the prick in her neck as it sent her back down into oblivion and the pain floated away.

The next time she awoke she felt the shock of something cold against her injured shoulder and brought her fingers up to feel the slippery frozen sides of an icepack strapped to her skin. She allowed her hand to drift down, feeling the floor beside the bed, lifting her head in surprise when her fingertips brushed against a glass and a chunk of bread on the ground. She scrambled to her knees as her fingers fumbled with the glass bringing the liquid to her lips, not bothering to smell or test it before taking in giant gulps, forcing herself to slow down as her stomach cramped. Draining the glass she dove back down, feeling the floor frantically, through the darkness, for the food. Her fingers grasped the slightly stale chunk of bread and brought it up to her mouth, gnawing at it, tearing off big chunks with her teeth, like she hadn't eaten in days. For all she knew it had been days.

She felt the floor again, hoping there was something she had missed, only to find the grit covered concrete void of any other morsels. She sighed as she rocked back, sitting on her toes. Her stomach protesting the sudden intake of food after going without it for so long, but her head feeling less fuzzy as the hydration and limited nutrition worked its into her system. She had to figure out a way to get out of here. She had to figure out where here was.

* * *

><p><span>Present<span>

"I'm doing okay, Alexis. I promise." Castle spoke quietly as he paced the hall outside of his hotel room.

The day had been long and hard. He hadn't expected it. He hadn't expected to come up yet another wall in the investigation. He hadn't expected Kate to see the photos of herself that slipped out of the file. He hadn't expected Ryan and Esposito to tell him that they had been suspended for insisting on coming down there when Gates wanted them back up in New York searching for Johnson.

The file that Esposito had snuck out of the precinct could cost him his job and it was now lying on the desk in the room. Kate was asleep, curled up in one of the beds, and the boys were out getting dinner. Rick sighed into the phone as his mind drifted back to the question Alexis was asking through the speaker.

"She's, uh, she's not doing great Alexis. She still doesn't remember anything, but we will get there. I promise, I will help her remember who she is."

Castle could hear him giving himself a pep talk as he filled his daughter in on Kate's condition. He paused his movement as he leaned back against the wall beside his door. He was tired; he hadn't slept in two days. He could feel himself falling asleep as he stood there in the hallway, phone slipping slowly through his fingers.

"Alexis. I love you. I have to go."

He slipped into the room quietly, his hand holding the door, making sure that it didn't slam and wake the woman sound asleep on the far bed, as it slid shut. Kate hadn't said a word since the pile of crime scene photos slid out of the manila folder and fluttered to the ground in front of her. The black eye, swollen lip, and bruised and battered state of her naked body stared back at her from the glossy pages. He had expected her to yell at him for having the pictures, be embarrassed that he had seen her naked, even though not technically. He had expected an outburst, not the quiet way she had stared at pictures before sliding into the bed and curled up in a ball. Dr. Singh was right; she didn't need to be seeing this, remembering this, right now. As soon as Ryan and Esposito came back he would have them take all of the notes and photos to their room. They may need to solve the case soon, before the operation was moved, but they needed Kate back too. And right now, to Castle, she was the priority.

His eyes felt heavy as he leaned against the door. The bed looked so inviting. He had told the boys to take their time; he was too tired to be hungry and Kate was asleep. They could wait to eat. He pushed his back off of the door and stumbled slightly towards the closest bed. Maybe he would just rest his eyes for a minute.

* * *

><p><span>Two Months Prior<span>

He had left five voicemails over the last two days and she had failed to respond to or even listen to a single one. She wasn't avoiding him; she just hadn't had the time.

She was sitting cross-legged on the floor, staring up at the makeshift murder board on her living room wall, a glass of red wine and a half empty bottle set on the floor next to her. She reached for the glass without looking and brought it up to her lips for a sip as a knock resounded from the front door. Her head turned so she could look back over her shoulder, like she could see through the wall and tell who was on the other side without getting up and looking through the peephole. She rolled her eyes at her own actions as she rolled off the floor and onto her feet, padding across the apartment. She leaned her head against the cool metal door and sighed, silently debating whether she should answer open it or not. She could pretend like she wasn't home or that she was asleep. He knocked again and the vibrations reverberated through her ear and jawbone. Her hand reached down and turned the knob, swinging the door open and bringing her face to face with the man she had been ignoring for the last month.

"Hi Josh."

"Kate. I called you over a dozen times. Where have you been?" He was angry and worried and he had every right to be.

"I'm sorry," she said, leaning against the doorframe, effectively blocking him from entering her apartment. "I've been busy."

That wasn't true. She had been home by five every night for the past week. She had been sitting, alone, in the dark eating take out and downing bottle after bottle of wine, forcing herself not to go for something stronger, as she stared at the information taped to her wall, or at nothing at all, for hours on end until she ultimately passed out on the floor, couch, or, on one or two occasions, actually made it to her bed.

"Well, can I come in? I haven't seen you since I got back from Haiti."

He leaned in for a kiss, but she pulled back and hung her head. "I don't think that would be a good idea."

He let out an aggravated sigh. "What's going on with you Kate? Ever since the funeral you've been in your own little world. I'm sorry your friend died, but you have to snap out of it. This isn't healthy."

He reached out and grabbed her upper arm causing her to flinch, pulling it back, curling herself up behind the door. "I think you should go, Josh."

"Kate. I'm sorry. Please, just talk to me."

Kate shook her head as she pushed the door shut. "Go home Josh."

* * *

><p><span>Present<span>

Castle's eyes flew open and he flailed for a moment as he tried to pinpoint what woke him up.

"No! Get away from me! Leave me alone! Please… please…"

Castle vaulted up and fell to his knees at the side of the other bed. "Kate? Kate? Wake up."

He shook her shoulder slightly as he sunk to the floor, making sure he wasn't leaning over her. His breath got caught in his chest as she calmed in her sleep, not waking but no longer stuck in a nightmare. He rubbed her arm lightly as she let out a sigh and sunk a little deeper into the mattress. Castle laid his head down beside hers, allowing himself to breathe again as his hand moving from her arm to run soothingly through her hair. His eyes roamed over her face, studying the tears drying on her cheeks.

"I love you Kate," he mumbled as he felt his eyelids slide shut and his hand stilled in her hair as sleep overtook him once again.

The whispered reply breathed from her lips as her nightmares untwisted into better dreams. Dreams of memories she couldn't quite place but that had the potential to be happy, to be free.

"Love you, too."


	9. Chapter 9

Florida Heat

A/N: Things are about to get a little more interesting... Thank you to all of you who reviewed last chapter. I loved hearing what you thought about the "I love you." :)

If you are new to this story, then welcome! Enjoy. If you are returning, then welcome back! I love having you all here and hearing what you think! :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 9<span>

Castle awoke with a start as someone cleared their throat behind him.

"Mornin' bro. Are we interrupting something?" Esposito teased as he and Ryan stood in the small entry to the hotel room, both holding an overloaded bag of Chinese food. Castle's spare key card dangled from Ryan's fingertips.

"She had a nightmare," Castle explained as he cracked his back, which was stiff from the way he had fallen asleep: sitting on the floor with his head bent to lie on the bed next to hers.

He tried to bring his hand up to wipe over his face only to find his fingers had become intertwined with Kate's at some point while they had been asleep. Carefully, he worked his hand loose and moved to stand up, his back cracking the entire way. He was definitely getting too old for this.

Esposito nodded in understanding as he and Ryan moved to place the sacks of food on the table and started sorting it out.

"She remember anything?" He asked quietly as they made small piles for each person- placing some of the collective favorites in the middle for everyone to share.

Castle shook his head. "I don't know. She wouldn't wake up. She just calmed down so I let her be."

He thought back to the couple of hours before. He could have sworn he heard her say something, but he couldn't remember what. He had already been asleep. He shook his head and reached for a container as a moan came from the bed and he turned back in time to see Kate's head pop up.

"Is that food?"

The three men nodded and she swung herself off of the bed, attempting to straighten her hair and clothes as she walked towards them. Kate poked through the piles, crinkling her nose at certain things before picking up Castle's box of beef lo-mein and plucking an eggroll out of the container that had been placed deliberately between Ryan and Esposito's piles.

The three men watched, motionless and in silence, as she plopped back down on the foot of the bed, pulled her legs up, crossing them, and dug into the food with gusto. While Castle was extremely happy to see her eating, since she was still at least five pounds underweight, he couldn't help but stare.

"What?" She asked as she took a big bite of the eggroll.

He shook his head. "You hate eggrolls."

Kate looked at him curiously, then back down at the half eaten roll and shrugged. "Tastes pretty good to me."

Castle sighed and rubbed his brow as he picked up the box of orange chicken that had been set aside for Beckett and pulled out a pair of chopsticks, digging in. He watched her out of the corner of his eye as she sucked up a noodle and popped the rest of the eggroll into her mouth, happily reaching for another one from the container Ryan was silently holding out to her.

Castle put down his food, suddenly finding himself no longer hungry, and excused himself to the bathroom. The latch on the door clicked into place as he leaned back against it and slid to the floor, a single tear running down his face. He didn't care that he was crying. He hadn't slept more than a couple of hours in two days, the woman he loved had been kidnapped, tortured and now had no idea who she was, and he was royally pissed off. He was allowed to cry. He brought a hand up to stifle a sob, attempting to keep his breakdown quiet. He wasn't sure how much more of this he could take.

Kate looked at him when he finally came back into the room. Her box of food was sitting on the table, empty and she was holding a bottle of water in her hands. She was watching him intently, the way she normally did when she knew something was wrong but he wouldn't talk about it. Except, this time, there was a slight confusion on her face, instead of that knowing glint. It was like she knew she was supposed to understand something, but couldn't quite get there. The confusion was enough to push him a little bit more over the edge and he plopped down on the foot of his bed with a huff.

Apparently, Kate figured that one out because she pushed herself off of the bed and padded her way, barefoot, to the door, gathering up her few belongings and the key card to her own room as she went.

"I'm going to go to sleep," she explained quietly as she opened the door. The guys nodded as Castle sat silent on the bed. They all listened as that door slid shut and the one straight across the hall, Kate's room, clicked open.

Castle sat still for another moment, Ryan and Esposito watching him silently, as he stared at note covered wall. Suddenly he was off the bed, and in a flurry of motion, made short work of taking all of the sheets of paper off of the wall. Stacking them haphazardly inside the manila file folder before shoving it in Ryan's hands. He was tired, he was angry and he wanted all of this to be over.

"I want you guys to put this in your room and don't let Kate see it anymore, you got me? She doesn't need to be seeing this stuff right now."

The boys simply nodded. Seemingly sensing his frustration, they gathered up the rest of the files and a couple boxes of food, excusing themselves back to their shared suite.

Castle flopped back down on the bed and expelled a giant puff of air into the silent room. He had to figure out something, but first he needed to get some sleep. He glanced over at the clock, shocked to see that it only read nine o'clock. He sighed as his eyes slid shut. It didn't matter; he needed to sleep anyway.

* * *

><p>Castle couldn't say that he was in a great mood when his eyes cracked open the next morning, but after twelve hours of sleep, he could say that he was feeling better. Slowly, he dragged himself out of bed and set about his morning routine before pulling on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt from his bag and sliding his feet into flip-flops. He placed a pair of sunglasses on top of his head and gathered up his wallet, phone and the keys to his rental car. Today he wasn't going to worry about the case at all; today he was going to focus on Kate.<p>

She opened the door after he knocked for the first time and stared up at him with a small smile, already showered and dressed in a white ribbed tank top and a pair of blue and green plaid Bermuda shorts; her feet also in flip-flops. All of it collected from the quick shopping trip they had conducted the day before. He stared at her for a second. It was definitely not normal Beckett garb, but that was okay, because right now she was just Kate and they were in Florida. When in Rome, right? He didn't think he had seen a normal pair of shoes since they had gotten there. Not that he blamed everyone for wearing sandals all the time: it was hotter than hell down here.

"Come on," he said, motioning for her to follow him out into the hall. "We're going out?"

She held up a finger, silently telling him to hold on, before sliding back into the room to quickly grab her room key, sunglasses and a hair tie, before joining him back out in the hall.

"Where are we going?" She asked as she fell into step beside him.

"It's a surprise."

* * *

><p>He watched as she stared out at the ocean, her bare feet sinking into the warm damp sand. She had been quiet on the drive over to the water and it had annoyed him more than it should. He had halfway expected her to try to snatch the keys out of his hand. Instead, she had simply slid into the passenger seat and looked out the window as they drove through the city. He had fumbled with the radio, grousing about the abnormally high number of country music stations before finally settling on classic rock, drumming his hands on the steering wheel to the beat. She continued to watch the city going by, ignoring his usually irritating actions, content to stare up at the bright blue sky and the passing buildings and billboards.<p>

"You told me once that when you were a kid your parents would bring you to the beach and you would love it. So, I thought this would be a nice trip for you," Castle stated quietly as he stood next to her, staring out at the water. A dolphin jumped in the distance and a couple of children, that had been playing beside them, stopped to point and stare.

"It's beautiful," she replied as she shielded her eyes from the harsh sun that even the glasses didn't block completely.

Thy walked in the water line, waves lapping at their feet as they made their way up the beach, stopping every so often to pick up a shell or comb the sand for sharks teeth. Castle threw out a few fun facts about them being near one of the biggest mating grounds for sharks and Kate jumped as a kid screamed in the distance. Laughing at her own actions when they turned to see the child was merely being covered in bucketfuls of wet sand by his friends.

"Remind me not to go into the water," she ordered quietly as they continued to walk, their hands bumping against each other.

A second later she kicked a little bit of water on his shin, smiling up at him playfully and started to back away as she saw the surprised expression on his face turn into an evil grin.

Soon he was chasing her down the beach and she squealed as he caught her and held her out over the ocean, wading in up to his knees, as he threatened to drop her in the shark infested waters. Sun fried tourists watching on in amusement.

"Put me down. Please, Rick. Or I swear to God I will make you pay."

He laughed gently as she clung to his neck and he lowered her body until she was standing directly in front of him, her front pressed to his.

She stared up at him, sunglasses hiding her eyes but the curiosity still evident on her face.

He placed his hands on her waist and pushed her back a step, causing her hands to unclasp from around him and fall to her sides. Hurt flickered across her face, mixing with the curiosity as she continued to stare up at him.

"I don't know what's going on."

Castle sighed and rubbed his neck, which was already tender from the sunburn beginning to form there. "I know you don't. That's the problem."

Kate turned her head to stare out at the water behind her, her arms coming up to wrap around her stomach. "What do you want from me, Rick?"

He laughed in disbelief. What did he want? Did she really want to know what he wanted? Shouldn't she already know?

"I want you to snap at me for constantly changing the radio station. I want you to insist on driving. I want you to roll your eyes and bite your lip. I want you to get annoyed with me. I want you to moan over how much you love orange chicken, groan over how you can't bring yourself to eat lo-mein and crinkle your nose at the thought of eggrolls because when you were five you were forced to eat boiled cabbage and now you can't even stand the smell of it. I want you to fight and scream and yell. I want you to order me around and stop asking for my permission. I want you to remember. That is what I want. I want my Kate back."

Kate stared at him for a long moment. A single hand came up from where her arms were wrapped around her middle and pushed a clump of chestnut hair behind her ear in vain as the wind swept in across her face again. She nodded her head and dipped her eyes down to look at her toes, still squishing in the sand, before bringing them back up to look at him from behind the dark lenses of her glasses.

"I want you to take me back to the hotel now."

He watched as she turned away from him, quickly walking over the powdery sand before her legs could sink in too deep, heading back down the beach towards his rental.

"Kate! Wait. I'm sorry."

He yelled as he mentally slapped himself upside the head and ran after her, not caring how many summer beach goers were still watching them.

"I'm sorry," he repeated as he caught up with her and stepped in her path, causing her to hesitate slightly before changing route to go around him.

"It's fine, Castle. I just want to go back now. I'm tired."

The ride back to the hotel was silent and tense and the rest of the day even worse. Castle could even bring himself to play with the radio when a commercial came on.

Ryan and Esposito must have sensed that something was wrong, when they ran into them in the lobby of the hotel and the boys explained that they were going to go meet with the sheriff, because they exchanged a glance before dismissing themselves as fast as possible. Kate mumbled that she was going to take a nap when they reached their floor and slid into her room with out another word, only coming out later to gather up some food before locking herself back in her room to eat.

Castle called Alexis again, for a short conversation, mostly avoiding topics about himself and questioning her on how her day was instead. He heard about the shopping trip and lunch with her friends and how she had spent a few hours staring at the paintings in the MoMA. She excused herself after a few minutes, explaining that Ashley was picking her up for a date— one of their last ones before he left for Stanford. After hanging up with his daughter, he placed a couple more perfunctory calls, one to Jim Beckett to update him on Kate's condition, promising him not to worry and that Kate would call the next day and one to Paula to apologize once again for running out in the middle of his book tour— not that he was truly sorry.

He fell asleep sometime later staring at a blank document on his laptop screen, wondering if anything he was doing was actually going to work or if he truly was doomed to fail.

* * *

><p>Castle jerked awake to a steady pounding on the door and he glanced at the clock as he pushed the laptop off of him, stumbled out of bed and to the door. 3:04 AM.<p>

"What the hell?" He muttered to himself as he fumbled with the metal chain and unlatched the deadbolt.

He blinked a couple of times when they bright light of the hall hit his eyes and he found himself face to face with Katherine Beckett wearing a tank top and a pair of boxers.

"I don't like eating lo-mein because when I was eight years-old Jimmy Young told me that they mixed worms into it and you couldn't tell because they looked like noodles. You tried to get me to eat it once and I almost barfed all over you."

Castle blinked at her for a minute as his brain caught up with the situation and a slow smile spread across his face, mirroring hers, as he laughed in disbelief.

She remembered.


	10. Chapter 10

Florida Heat

Chapter 10

She sat there, her eyes studying the photo, chewing on her bottom lip, as all three men sat around her, staring.

Kate sighed. "I'm sorry. I mean, it looks familiar but I got nothing."

She let the photo of the back road where she had been found float to the bed beside her and brought her hand back up to run through her hair. She had been so excited when she remembered about Jimmy Young and the worms. She had been dreaming— weird dreams, and then woke up with a start, the memory fresh in her mind. Her feet had carrier her to Castle's door without a second thought. So fast in fact, that she had ended up calling down to the front desk because she had gotten locked out of her room.

Now, sitting with the boys staring at her, trying not to let their disappointment show, it wasn't enough. The small things she was remembering: playing darts in a bar, ice skating with her mother, tickle fights with her father, something about comic books and grunge rockers, was not enough. It was a tease. It was infuriating. Some phrases from Shakespeare's sonnets floated through her mind as she groaned and pushed herself off the bed to pace the room. She was starting to feel antsy. Her hands clenched and unclenched at her sides. She needed to go out and do something, anything.

"Can we get out of here?"

* * *

><p>Kate picked at the hem of her shorts as she sat, once again, in the passenger seat of Castle's rental car. She forced her hand to stay still, balling it up in a fist to rest on top of her leg. She reached out and adjusted the air vent so the cool air was blowing straight on her. She lifted her legs to separate them from the sticky leather seats, a thin layer of sweat forming on them. Her leg started to shake as she forced her hand still, her foot jiggling on the floor: pointing, flexing, bouncing.<p>

"Castle!" She snapped after a minute. "For the love of God, can you just pick a station?"

Castle's finger stilled as it was about to press the seek button one more time and he smiled, letting the radio stay on a the "current hits" station that was playing something about clubs, getting "crunk" and something else she really didn't want to understand. She rubbed a hand over her forehead, making a face as the sweat covered her palm and she rubbed it on her shorts.

The car pulled off on the side of the road and she scratched her fingernails over her stomach, unconsciously, as she stepped onto the sandy turf and looked around. There was nothing around them except for a line of trees, the beaten up two-lane road and a flimsy wire fence.

"Where are we?" She asked as she took a couple of steps away from the car, squinting through her sunglasses.

"See that blue marker?" Castle said, walking around the car to stand beside her. "That's where they found you. I thought it might help to bring you out here. I know, you probably don't want to remember this because it is bad, but you are our only hope of catching these people. They are probably panicking since you got away and are going to move soon if they haven't already. So, just please try to take a look around. If you can't remember we won't be mad, I promise, but we need you to try."

Kate glanced back to where Ryan and Esposito were hanging off of the back doors of the car, watching them. She nodded. She could do this; she could try. Walking towards the marker she took a deep breath. She stared at it for a minute while the guys hung back, staying near the car. She held up a hand and shaded her eyes as she looked around. Her hand dropped down, rubbing her skin, as her arm started to itch again. The irritation from the bites was getting more intense with the hot sun. There was nothing. Nothing looked familiar. There was a big pothole in the road and she walked towards it, staring down into it for a minute. She glanced over at the barbed wire fence running through the tree line and looked back down at her arms. There were scabbed lines running down them, two small groups of lines. She walked towards the fence, examining the barbs. She held out her arm next to it. They matched. She had come through the fence. She walked back towards the road.

Nothing else looked familiar.

Think Kate. What had they told her at the hospital? Bruises— those could come from anywhere. Scrapes and scratches— again, anywhere. Fire ant bites. Fire ants lived in mounds. She looked down at the ground as she turned in a circle next to the marker. There were no mounds. The doctor said that they were all over her body and some of them had been found in her clothing and hair. It was like she had been lying in them. She started walking. This may be where she had ended up, but this was not where she had started.

She heard Castle call out to her as she moved farther and farther away and she held up a hand to wave him off. She was so close. After a few minute she slowed as she found a huge mound of loose sand and dirt on the ground. It looked like it had been disturbed it recently and the little voice in the back of Kate's head told her to stop, that this was important. She had been here. She crouched down next to the pile and poked it with a stick until the ants started to swarm out. She dropped the stick and scrambled back. Yep, this was it.

She dusted off the back of her shorts as she stood back up and walked towards the fence. Something was telling her to run, to her away from here as fast as possible, but she didn't. She kept on walking towards the wire disappearing into the brush. She jumped over a little ditch, her sneaker-clad feet landing easily on the other side. There she peered down at the fence, one hand coming up to hold back her hair as the other extended towards a small scrap of fabric snagged in one of the barbs. Her shirt had been ripped when they found her. A sharp, phantom pain flew down her back. She had come through the fence here.

Kate ran back towards the road, pointing back behind her, as the guys approached.

"There!" She exclaimed, an unbridled smile crossing her face. "I came through the fence right there."

"And that," she continued, pointing to the pile. "Is the fire ant mound I was in."

Castle was staring at her with a mixture of pride and disbelief. "You remembered all of that?"

"No," she shook her head, both disappointment and amazement filling her. "I just put the pieces together. I still don't remember any of it."

* * *

><p>Castle was finishing up the conversation with the sheriff as the pulled into the parking lot of the hotel.<p>

"So?" She questioned when he didn't extend the information right away.

Castle sighed, sliding the phone back in his pocket. "They canvassed all the houses in the area again, talking to anyone that answered the door but they didn't find anything. There is a whole neighborhood back behind that tree line. They can't get search warrants for all of the homes without more evidence and many of the people in the area were distrustful of law enforcement, not allowing them voluntarily into their houses."

Kate growled as her fist punched the elevator call button with a little bit more force than necessary. The boys muttered theories and potential strategies behind her. She itched her arm again, digging her nails into the irritated flesh. She just needed to remember a little bit more.

She stayed silent for the elevator ride, biting a nail nervously, her other hand clenching and relaxing as her leg jiggled. She had been fine while they were out. She had been thinking; she had been productive. Here she was just sitting around, waiting for herself to remember. She was wound so tight she almost snapped at Castle when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

She listened with half an ear as he spoke to the person on the other line. "Yeah, she's right here."

Kate looked up, confused, as he extended the phone. Someone wanted to talk to her?

"Your father is on the phone for you."

Kate smiled, despite her sudden nervousness, and she took the phone as the elevator bell dinged and they all stepped into the hall.

"Hello?" Kate said into the phone, pausing outside her door. "Dad? Hi. Yeah, I'm doing okay. I promise."

Castle watched as she spoke quietly into the receiver, listening to the one-sided conversation as the others continued on down the hall to their room. They had said something about adding the new information to their wall when they had been in the lobby.

"Yeah, I'm remembering some stuff, mostly memories from when I was a kid. I remember ice-skating and some dirty guy I dated. Yeah, the rocker guy." She laughed as she leaned against the wall and smiled up at Castle. "No, I don't know what I was thinking either. How are you doing? No, it's okay. You don't have to come down here. I'll be home and good as new in no time. I love you, too, Dad. Hey, before you go, can I talk to Mom?"

Castle's smiling face went blank and she stared up at him as she listened to her father's response on the other end. What the hell?

"No, I understand, Dad. I'll talk to her, later, when she gets home. Tell her I love her, will you? Okay. I gotta go, Dad. Talk to you soon."

Castle was standing silent in the middle of the hall when she held the phone back out to him, still smiling. "Castle? What's wrong?"

He fumbled with the phone for a minute, clicking it on and off again, looking at the screen, not bothering to even unlock it. She felt her smile start to falter.

"Kate…" he began, as he pushed the cell into his pocket, and slid his keycard out. "Why don't you come in and sit down. I need to tell you something."


	11. Chapter 11

Florida Heat 

A/N: Hey everyone! I would like to thank you all again for your support and enthusiasm for this story. You all rock. Also, I would just like to let you know in advance that chapters may be coming a little less frequently now that the semester has started up again, but have no fears I will write as much as I can as often as I can.

Oh, and I posted chapter 10 a couple of days ago but for whatever reason, the story didn't repost in the community, so you may want to go back and read that if you missed it. Now, on to chapter 11! :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 11<span>

Present

She could no longer feel the heat from the water burning her skin. It had been painful at first, like little bolts of lightening scalding her over and over when she stepped into the shower with the heat turned all the way up. Now, she had been sitting huddled in the shower for so long that she could no longer feel anything. She had gone numb and the heat faded away.

* * *

><p><span>Two Hours Before<span>

Kate stared blankly at the wall, all emotion draining out of her body. She could feel it spiraling down in a vortex: happiness, anger, sadness, humiliation, strength, and weakness. It was all whirled away as Castle's voice continued to explain to her what happened to her mother when Kate was 19 years old. He told her that she and her father had been out to dinner and her mother hadn't shown up. He explained that Johanna Beckett had been found in an alley, stabbed to death. He explained that she had become a cop because her mother's killer had never been found.

Kate stared at the wall.

He knelt before her, as she sat on the edge of the bed, and placed a hand gently on her knee. His thumb rubbed softly over her bare skin; her yellow and green bruised and battered skin. He was asking her if she was okay. Was she okay? How could he ask that? Of course, she was not _okay._ She was not fine. She was not good. Nothing about this situation was _okay._ She had just learned, for the first time, that her mother was dead: murdered. She laughed silently to herself, her body still failing to move, but it wasn't the first time, was it? No. She had been told this before; she had been living with this knowledge, this burden, for years. Then, for a few blissful days, she had been free. Free of the heaviness. Now, the weight, the darkness, was back on her. So, when he asked her if she was okay, looking up at her from his squatted position in front of her— compassion and pity reflected back in his eyes— she turned slightly to blink at him once, before she stood, walked around him and out through the door.

No, she was not _okay_.

* * *

><p><span>Two weeks before<span>

"I just want you to know…" Castle's voice drifted off causing Kate to turn around to look at him from where he had been helping her slide on her blazer.

He had been acting weird all day, stuttering, stopping his sentences before he even started, turning to walk away from her before any words made it past his lips. She had even caught him staring at her with what could only be described as a panic stricken look on his face. The clincher, however, that something was on his mind: he hadn't made a single sexual innuendo all day.

Kate looked up at him; a single eyebrow rose in question as she smiled at him. This wasn't the time to make fun at him; he was seriously bothered.

"What's going on, Castle?" She prompted gently, catching his hand in her own as they stood in the middle of the mostly abandoned squad room.

He looked up at her, from where his head had been hung, feet shuffling. A sudden confidence took over him as she held loosely onto his fingertips and he took a step closer to her, his hand wiggling out of her grasp to grip her fingers instead.

"I just want you to know," he spoke in a low rumbling tone. "That in a couple of weeks, when I get back from my book tour, I am going to show up at your door with a bouquet of flowers. Then, I am going to ask you to go out to dinner with me. Assuming that you say yes, which I really hope you do, I will take you out to a nice dinner— nothing too fancy, because I want us both to be comfortable. Maybe, afterwards, we will grab a cup of coffee because that is what we do. You could pay for that if you want, because I know you are a modern independent woman and all of that. You may not like me playing the big strong man, insisting on paying for everything. After that, though, I will walk you home and once we are at your front door, I will kiss you goodnight. Don't worry, I will be a gentleman about it."

Her breath was stuck in her lungs and her heart was beating so hard it hurt her chest.

"I am telling you this now because you said you needed time and you wanted space. I have given you two months of space and now, I am giving you two weeks worth of time to get used to this idea. Until then, Katherine, goodnight, and I will see you tomorrow."

He gave her fingers a final squeeze before letting her hand fall from his and turning towards the elevator. Leaving her standing, with her jaw fallen slightly open, in front of her desk. Her agape mouth slowly slid into a wide smile as she tugged her bottom lip gently in between her teeth. For the first time in nearly three months Kate Beckett truly smiled.

_Son of a bitch._ She thought as she put a hand to her forehead and leaned back against her desk, her bag dropping to the floor from her shoulder. Richard Castle had just spoken his intentions to court her.

* * *

><p><span>Present <span>

Castle knocked on the door lightly. It had been two hours since Kate had left his room and he was worried. He knocked again, louder, when she failed to answer, yell, scream, or anything. He listened for any sign of movement before pulling a keycard out of his pocket. He fiddled with it for a moment, flicking it in between his fingers, debating his next actions. She had left the card in his room the night before, after calling down to the desk, in case she managed to lock herself out of her room again. Now, he was pondering using it to break into her room. It was justifiable circumstances, he convinced himself as he slid the card into the slot on the door and turned the knob as it buzzed and flashed green.

The hiss of the shower could be heard the second he opened the door and he could feel the steam bursting at the hinges of the door. His hand was raised anyway, poised at the point of knocking. There was something wrong, he could feel it as it gnawed away at his gut. He needed to make sure she was truly okay.

"Kate?" He called as his fist connected solidly with the wood. "Are you okay in there?"

When only silence answered him, he sucked in a deep breath, turned the knob and pushed the bathroom door open. She may kill him later, but now he had to make sure she wasn't dying herself.

"Kate?" He called again as the billowing cloud of steam hit his face like a shock wave, rushing past him to evaporate into the cool bedroom air. He coughed out of reflex and wiped a hand over his face, scraping away the building layer of moisture as he walked through the white wall and towards the shower.

"Shit, Kate," he mumbled. "How long have you been in here?"

He reached a hand in, fumbling blindly with the knob, scalding water pelting his skin, until the stream shut off with a thump. A deafening silence filled the space as the steam flooded his lungs. He reached for a towel, making his way to the other end of the shower. He pulled the curtain back slightly, poking his head in with one eye cracked open.

She was huddled with her back to him. Her knees drawn up with arms wrapped around them and her head buried in between. The skin on her back stared back at him, angry and red; her hair falling all around her like thick, wet dreadlocks.

"Kate?" His voice was smooth through the fog of the shower, as he placed a hand hesitantly on her shoulder "Can you hear me?"

When she still didn't answer, he laid the towel gently around her back, grasping it as he wrapped his hands under her armpits and hauled her to stand. She wobbled slightly, her knees threatening to give out as he reached around her, securing the towel in place and spun her around to face him.

"Castle?" She slurred as she looked up at him, confused, disoriented. "What's going on?"

"Kate, sweetie," He soothed, running a hand down her face. "How long have you been in here?"

"Dunno," she slurred again as he helped her over the edge of the tub to the soaked bathmat. "I got in right after I left your room. Don't know how long it's been since then."

He took a second to translate her slurred jumble of words, his eyes widening as his brain finished the interpretation.

"Jesus, Kate. That was hours ago. Come on." He sighed as he helped her walk across the slick tile floor and into the cool room.

"Drink this," he demanded as he set her down on the edge of the bed and grabbed a bottle of water.

He watched over her, arms crossed over his chest as she downed the liquid in a few huge gulps, the thin plastic bottle crinkling as it imploded. Drips of water fell from the ends of her soaking wet hair, absorbing into the white towel and mosaic print bedspread. Red blotches covered her skin.

"Next time you want a sauna just tell me, I'll set you up with a spa day," Castle joked feebly, finally sinking down to sit next to her, the bed bending and creaking under their collective weight.

"Sorry," she whispered back, the water working its way through her system, rehydrating her. "I just wanted to wash it all away. I wanted it gone."

"I know," he whispered back, a hand coming up to brush a wet matted lock of hair out of her face.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, Kate staring at the junction between the wall and dark carpet in front of her. Castle staring at his hands. Her fingers played with the water bottle, the plastic cracking and crinkling with the tiny movements of her fingertips: bending, flexing.

"I'll leave you to get dressed," he said finally.

Castle pushed himself off of the bed and turned towards the door only to stop when Kate's hand shot out to grab his. "Please don't leave me."

The panic was evident on her face and the shock of the sight overwhelmed him before he reminded himself that this wasn't Beckett, the no nonsense cop who hid her emotions behind a concrete wall. This was Kate, the woman who had woken up days before with no memory of who she was, after surviving who knows what. This was the nineteen year-old girl, who had just had her entire world collapse in on her.

_Please don't leave me._ The words echoed in her eyes and through his mind.

"Don't worry, I won't go anywhere," he replied, sitting back down on the bed still holding her hand.

"She's really dead?" She whispered a while later, time slowing and speeding up upon its own accord.

"Yeah, sweetie, she's really dead." He squeezed her hand gently, both of them lying clasped in his lap.

"What happened to the guy that did it?"

"You shot him, two years ago. Killed him in the middle of the precinct."

She nodded her head as she slipped her fingers from his with a final squeeze of her own. "Good."

He watched as she rose from the bed, holding the towel up modestly with one hand, as she rooted through her bags, before carrying a stack of clothing back to the bathroom in the other.

When she emerged again her hair was brushed up into a messy bun and she was wearing one of his Marvel Comic t-shirts over a pair of leggings.

"How did you?" His voice trailed off as he looked at her, taking in the sight of his shirt, which was about three sizes too big for her, hanging off of her body. He had been with her the entire time she had been in his room and he hadn't seen her go near his suitcase once.

She merely smirked in response as she climbed up onto the bed and methodically fluffed her pillows, adjusting them so she could sit comfortably propped against the headboard. "A girl's got to have her secrets."

He grinned back at her, certain that he looked like an idiot, but he didn't care. It was such a "Kate" thing to say. He scooted himself up to sit next to her as she picked up the remote and started to flip through the endless list of movies on the screen. He waited patiently, his eyes flickering between the remote resting in her hand on her lap and the sharp lines of her face. His fingers picked at the hem of his shirt that she was wearing. His hand resting against her other thigh, a gently reminder that he was still there— he wasn't leaving, too.

Castle looked up at the screen as she reached over to place the remote on the side table and let out a laugh at the unexpected selection. "The Princess Bride? Really? Who knew Detective Beckett had a sappy romantic side?"

Kate placed a hand over his, effectively stopping his repetitive plucking motion, which was apparently annoying her. She simply shrugged her shoulders and squeezed his hand in hers.

"Apparently I do."

He looked over at her again, watching as her eyes grew wide and she fell into the mythical world on the screen. He watched her bite into her lip gently as Buttercup ordered Wesley around. Kate sank down to rest her head on his shoulder and Castle brought his arm up to wrap around her, holding her securely into his side. _I'm never going to leave you._

"You owe me a date you know," she whispered as Wesley rode off into the sunset.

"As you wish," he whispered back, his lips brushing against her hair in a ghost of a kiss. "Whenever you are ready, Katherine, I'll be waiting at your door with flowers."

* * *

><p>This time it was Kate's head that jerked up as she was forced from unconsciousness by a pounding at the door. She glanced at the TV but the movie was over and a series of previews repeated on the screen. A muffled mumbled came from beside her and she lifted her head enough to see Castle, slumped against the headboard, sound asleep next to her. She pushed off of him, swinging her legs around to shimmy off the side of the bed, her feet hitting the floor with a solid thump as she slowly wandered towards the door, rubbing her eyes as she went.<p>

"Hey chica!" Esposito exclaimed as she swung the door open and came face to face with the two other detectives. "Sorry to wake you, but we have news."

Kate stepped back silently allowing the two men to enter her room before letting go of the handle and wandering back over to wake Castle. Her brain was slowly catching up to what was going on.

Both men had stopped short when they saw Castle asleep on the bed and turned to look at her in question.

"What?" She snapped at their twin inquisitive looks. "We were watching a movie and we fell asleep. Why am I even explaining this to you?"

Kate shook her head and set about shaking Rick's shoulder until he blinked up at her and shifted to sit upright, scooting over so she could sit next to him. "What's up?"

"Robin and Batboy have something to tell us."

"Robin and Batboy?" Castle quirked an eyebrow up at her. "What does that make us Batman and Catwoman?"

Kate made to respond when Espo interjected. "Not to interrupt your flirting, because you know we never like to do that. We just thought you should know that, while you two were playing snuggle buddy and watching movies, we figured out a way to find the house that you were held in."

Both men were standing at the foot of the bed, chests puffed out in pride as Kate and Rick stared at them expectantly.

"Well?" Kate finally prompted when they failed to expand.

Ryan held up the laptop he had been holding at his side. "Meet an amazing little thing called Google Earth."


	12. Chapter 12

Florida Heat

Disclaimer: If there was any doubt: I do not own Castle, The Princess Bride or Google Earth. Darn.

A/N: Out of caution I raised the rating on this to M. Things are about to get intense as some questions are answered, but don't worry. There is plenty more to come.

On a happier note: Woohoo! More than 100 reviews! That is awesome! Seriously, you all rock. I am so happy you are enjoying this story. :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 12<span>

"Okay, so here's the thing…" Esposito started as Ryan set the laptop down on the desk, adjusting the screen so Castle and Beckett could see it from their position on seated on the bed. "You were found in Duval County— Jacksonville, but you were found right on the county border. While Jacksonville, or Jax as the locals call it, is a major city it is surrounded by a bunch of little towns. Populations not exceeding 10,000, sometimes not even 5,000 people.

"As the sheriff said," Esposito continued. "There is a lot of rural area around here, farmers, trailer parks, low income areas, but that is not the only case. There has also been an influx of middle to upper middle residential neighborhoods in the area and more upper class areas can be found, especially closer to the river."

Esposito paused, hitting a few buttons on the screen until an interactive map was pulled up on the screen. "Here is where Google Earth comes into play. See here? This is where you were found and here," he paused to zoom in. "is where they have been knocking on doors. This is where they have been searching: a couple of residential neighborhoods and three trailer parks. We think they have it wrong."

Both set's of eyes shot up at him from the screen and Ryan stepped in, taking over. "The Millers may not have had very lucrative jobs, but digging into their financials they had a lot more money than they should have. Most would probably chalk it up to inheritance or stocks, but chances are it was from the human trafficking business."

Ryan paused as his eyes darted quickly to Beckett, silently weighing his next words. Castle's hand crept out silently, slowly to clasp her fingers in his own. Squeezing them only slightly. Ryan's shoulders sagged in silent relief when she gave a faint nod, permission to continue. "So, we started thinking. The St. John's River runs right by the area and heads up through Jacksonville and out to the Atlantic. What better place to have a hub for a trafficking business than on a river? It would be easier to transport down on a boat then in a truck or car. Fewer stops would have to be made and there are less officials watching. Plus, the Millers owned a boat, which they frequently took down here to Florida."

Castle scooted himself down the bed, to sit at the foot, closer to the screen, letting go of Kate's hand in the process. He sat there, examining the screen for a moment before silently gesturing in question.

"May I?" He asked, waving a hand at the laptop.

Ryan and Esposito stepped back in response, allowing the other man to fiddle with the screen, zooming and scrolling through the area, looking at landmarks. After a few minutes, Castle's hand stilled and he looked up at the pair, startled to find Kate kneeling on the bed behind him, staring at the screen from over his shoulder; her cheek hovering just inches from his own.

"Hi," he whispered as he slid his eyes over to take in her profile, suddenly sidetracked from his original train of thought.

"Hey," she responded in like, her voice quiet, her smile soft, encouraging. "What did you find?"

Castle snapped out of his daze, forcing his eyes away from her and, instead, focusing where Ryan and Espo were watching them, not even attempting to redirect their blatantly staring eyes. Clearing his throat he continued as his original question came back to him.

"But why risk moving her? Why not keep her in the house?"

"Because, of the traffic." Esposito jumped in, making his way back to the computer. "Most of these houses had private docks and private drives. It would be really easy to get someone out of the water and into the house or into a car without someone seeing. Easy in, easy out to a more secluded location. The problem with holding someone here, though, is that the main road is a high traffic area: a marina down the street, a large family neighborhood across the street. If someone escaped from one of these houses they would be easily spotted on the main drag. But having a secondary holding location would just be smart. Bring someone in and take them out when they are unconscious. No one would ever see. No one would ever know."

Castle and Beckett both nodded in understanding and Kate slipped off of the bed behind Castle coming around to sit in the rolling chair, pulling it off to the side of the desk.

"So, I was found here? Right?" She started, pointing a thin finger at the screen, looking to the boys for verification. When they nodded, she shifted her finger up an inch. "The sheriff said that they were knocking on doors here."

She touched her finger on the screen again, making the color ripple a little bit as her nail tapped the plastic. "So, why do you think they brought me in down here? Why not in Jacksonville?"

Ryan shook his head. "It all comes back to privacy. These houses in Jax are too close together. People would get suspicious. The farther south you go, the bigger the lots, the longer the drives."

"So, assuming you are right and that is a really big assumption at this point. What do we do? The sheriff has no jurisdiction across the county line and there are a lot of houses down there, it's not like we can just start knocking on doors."

"Maybe not," Ryan chimed in. "But we can narrow down out search. We need a house with a private dock and a private drive. That brings us down to these."

He pointed out a series of houses on the map, zooming in until you could almost see the color on the front doors.

"From there, it would be fantastic if they had a tie to another house or some farm land closer to where you were found. We narrowed down the areas. We can assume that you were not kept in a mobile home due to security and sound reasons, and regular neighborhood would be to public. Someone would have seen you escape. That leaves us with this area here."

He scrolled over on the screen, bringing up a small cluster of farms, spanning across the borderline of both counties. "This is where we have to look."

Both Castle and Beckett looked up at the boys with a mixture of pride and amazement etched on their faces.

"Guys, that was amazing." Castle stated as Ryan and Espo attempted to keep their grins in check. Kate continued to smile up at them as the boys put their fingers together in a weird hand gesture, her smile faltering for a second as another thought wandered into her brain.

"So, how do we figure out if there are any residents who own property in both areas? I highly doubt the local police are going to listen to us about this: you two are suspended, he's a writer and I have no memory. At this point, I am surprised the Jacksonville cops are still looking into this," Kate rationalized as the three other heads swiveled to look at her.

"Oh ye of little faith," Esposito chided. "Property records are public record in the state of Florida. All we have to do is a little internet search."

* * *

><p>Ryan leaned back in the chair and sighed, his hands running through his hair. "Nothing."<p>

He had been running different searches for an hour: comparing housing on the water to farmland in the area. Castle was lounging on the far double bed, tapping on his phone, playing some sort of game. Esposito had gone back to their room to gather up the rest of their notes and files and Kate was out on a snack run.

Just then the door buzzed and both of their heads turned as the handle turned and Kate walked back in, bag of drinks and groceries in hand.

"I went to the convenience store across the street. We are now in possession of more junk food than you ever wanted to see in your life. What's wrong?" Beckett paused, foot still wedged in the door as she took in the look on Castle and Ryan's faces.

"We can't find any connection in property records," Ryan grumbled as the door swung shut, bouncing off the bar Kate had pushed in the way to keep it from locking. "This sucks. It would be so much easier if we had our usual databases."

Kate dropped the bag on the bed, walking up to him to look over his shoulder.

"Well, in the morning we can start knocking on doors. We'll start with the farms and go from there. Something is bound to turn up." Kate clasped the younger man on the shoulder in reassurance and turned around to the sound of crinkling plastic.

"Yes!" Castle shouted in victory as he held up a twin pack of Twinkies. "You sure do know the way to this writer's heart."

"Oh, just wait. A couple of guys were talking at the store, turns out the Fair is in town. If you think those are good, apparently deep fried Twinkies are ten times better." Beckett supplied as she pulled a bottle of juice out of the bag.

Ryan spluttered and Kate cocked her head to look at him, alternating her gaze between the coughing man and Castle who was stuck, wide eyed, with the snack halfway to his lips.

"What's wrong? Did I say something wrong?"

Castle cleared his throat and took a bite of the cake, stalling his response for a moment. "No, nothing is wrong. I just like regular Twinkies just fine. No need to bring in the deep fried ones, hear they are bad for your health."

Kate nodded slowly; the confusion still etched on her face.

"Hey, Rick," She began again after a few more minutes of silence. Esposito had come back into the room with a silent nod and had dove straight into the bag of treats along with the rest of them, pulling out a small roll of powdered donuts with a triumphant yell and a "so stereotypical" from his partner.

Ryan and Esposito exchanged a glance, neither of them commenting on the fact that she had been calling the writer by his first name more regularly since she had woken up.

"Do I usually wear a watch? Because I keep on looking at my wrist like one is supposed to be there but it isn't. It's starting to drive me crazy." Kate continued, tossing a handful of trail mix into her mouth.

Castle cleared his throat. "Yeah, actually you do. You usually wear your father's watch and your mother's wedding ring on a chair around your neck. Come to think of it, I haven't seen them. They might still be at the hospital. We never did collect your belongings. Your clothes were taken as evidence but the jewelry should still be there if you were wearing them."

* * *

><p>The quartet exited the elevator onto the forth floor of the hospital and started the familiar journey down the hall. Kate crinkled her nose as the smells of sick bodies and antiseptics wafted towards her. She really did not like hospitals; they gave her the willies. She shoved her hands into her pockets, to keep her fingers from nervously playing with each other, causing her elbow to knock into Castle's. He looked down at her and gave her a reassuring smile. She could do this. He wasn't going to leave her. She expelled a puff of air as they approached the nurse's station and forced a smile onto her face.<p>

"Mr. Castle, Detective Beckett, hi! Is everything okay?"

Kate followed Castle's lead and smiled indulgently at Angela, the perky nursing assistant that had tended to her while she was there.

"Hi Angela," Castle started, his face morphing into a charming smile. "Actually, we were wondering if any of Kate's possessions got left here, a watch and necklace specifically."

"No, Sir, Ma'am," Angela responded in kind, her dark ponytail whipping back and forth with the emphatic shake of her head. Kate couldn't help but let her smile widen at the girl's innate Southern hospitality. "You didn't have anything beyond the clothes that you were wearing and the sheriff took those."

"Are you sure?" Esposito piped up from behind them. "Because she was wearing them when she disappeared in New York."

Angela nodded again, her smile fading and a serious look taking up residence in its place. "I promise, Detective, Detective Beckett only had on ripped jeans and a torn white shirt when she was brought in here. She didn't even have a belt or shoes or anything."

Angela's eyes flicked over to Kate and her lips twisted up into a shy, hesitant wince of a smile. "You, um, you didn't even have a bra and underwear on, ma'am, that's why we ran all of the tests we did."

Kate reached out and rubbed the blushing girl on the shoulder. "It's okay, Angela. Don't worry. I'm fine."

Angela's face broke into a small, relieved, smile and she nodded, shifting slightly and pushing an invisible clump of hair behind her ear. "I'm sorry. It's my first week and this is harder than I was expecting it to be."

Castle smiled at the girl. "You've been doing great. Is there anything else your remember from when they brought Kate in? Did she say anything strange?"

No, Sir. We had to sedate her because she was agitated and she was seriously dehydrated, but that was it."

Kate let out a sigh and was about to pull Castle away, thanking the girl when Angela's face brightened. "Oh, but we did find hay in your hair. We thought that was a little weird since it was at least a mile to the nearest farm."

"Hay, really?" Castle physically perked up at the news and put a hand on Angela's head, ruffling her hair. "That is awesome. Thanks Angela."

The girl was beaming as the four of them turned towards the elevator; Castle pulling Kate along by the hand as the boys hurried on behind them.

"I know where you were." Castle exclaimed as the elevator doors shut in front of them. "Only one of those farms had horses."

* * *

><p><span>Unknown Days Earlier<span>

Kate's body was shaking, shivering uncontrollably, when her eye cracked open. The floor was cold and damp under her, the jagged edges of the concrete pressing little dented patterns into her naked hip.

Naked. She was naked. Oh God. No.

Her eyes shot open as she struggled up, scrambling back until her back was pressed against the wall, her legs clutched to her chest, ankles crossed, hiding as much of her nude body from sight as possible. A lock of bleach blonde hair fell into her face and her hand shot up to push it back behind her ear, palm sliding open against the side of her face as she did.

"Relax," a gruff voice came from her side and her head turned to find a man standing in the corner of the room holding a digital camera. "We only needed pictures. No need to damage the goods. The buyers want their merchandise untouched."

Kate stared up at him: tanned skin, shaved head. He had a tattoo on his muscular bicep, an intricate swirl of color and shapes. Her head swam as she tried to memorize it. His voice was low, gravely and had a thick southern accent to it, but it wasn't drawl, it was the tone of a southern gentleman. Kate snorted despite herself and the man ambled across the room. She closed her eyes as she tried to remember. He was wearing jeans and a white wifebeater, tan work boots on his feet. She had to remember.

"Make sure you put that icepack back on your shoulder, we wouldn't want you getting bruised. The small ones on your face should heal in time but anymore would be bad for sales." He called as the door slid open and he slipped out, the light shutting off behind him.

Kate stayed huddled in the corner for a few more minutes, shaking on the soggy mattress. Slowly she stretched a hand out, grabbing at the shirt and pants next to her, pulling them on as quickly as she could, her limp disoriented limbs repeatedly missing the holes. Her hands continued to quiver as she reached for the icepack, making to put it on her aching shoulder before she paused, holding it out in her hand.

They didn't want her bruised. They couldn't sell her that way.

Slowly she placed the icepack down on the mattress and pushed herself up the wall, wavering slightly until her legs could hold her on their own. She took a shaky step to the middle of the floor, sucking in a deep breath. There was a slight sliver of light sneaking in from under the door and she could see shadows of shapes around the room. Her foot hit the side of a cup on the floor and she reached down to grasp at it. It was plastic this time, but that was okay, she could work with plastic. She reached down and picked the cup off of the concrete, tipping the liquid out onto the floor. Some of it splashed onto the top of her foot and she wiped it against the leg of her pants, drying it. She placed the cup back down, laying it on its side, on the cement ground.

She wobbled slightly as she lifted one foot up and brought a hand to her head to steady her fuzzy brain. She stomped her foot down as hard as she could and hissed as the plastic cracked and slid into her skin. Kate bent over and picked up the thin, jagged piece of broken cup and held it against her forearm, taking in a deep breath as she jabbed the edge into her flesh, cutting down as hard as she could dragging it across her skin.

Tears began to slide down her cheeks and she lifted her shirt to press the plastic against her stomach, her muscles trembling as it cut into her flesh over and over.

She'd be damned if she made this easy for them.

With a whimper, she let the plastic slide from her fingers and balled her hand up into a fist. She closed her eyes as the muscles in her arm flexed and she swung it upwards connecting solidly with her cheekbone.

She cried out in pain despite herself and let her fist connect with her face once more, slicing open her lip.

The door flung open as the man and a woman came running into the room, light flooding the space along with them.

"You little bitch!" The man exclaimed as he reached out to grab her as he took in her bloody lip and swollen eye.

"Go to Hell," Kate growled out as her bloody arm came up to connect with his face and she sprung forward with all of her might, forcing her battered, tired, and broken body towards the wide open door. A hand reached out a grabbed at catching the collar of her t-shirt, tearing it as she forced herself to continue going, the fabric ripping as the hand fell away and she burst though a second door and into sunlight.

She sprinted across the open land, her head swimming, floating in a haze, as the sun beat down on her skin and she headed for the tree line in the distance. Her eyes caught a flash of red as her brain fleetingly registered a large red pick-up truck in the driveway. She stumbled over her own feet and she forced herself to continue breathing through her gummy mouth and dry throat. Just a little bit farther, she just had to get to the tree line.

Her feet connected with the ground, her ankles wobbling as she stumbled and pushed her self up off the ground with her hands, her body never losing its momentum. Colors whirled around her as the green grass floated up and the blue sky danced down, swirling under her feet. Bile rose in her throat.

Roots, needles and small stumps tore up her feet as she hurried through the brush, never pausing to look back behind her. She didn't know how long she had been running or how far. The trees had swum closer and farther away every time she had looked at them and her eyes felt heavy as she panted for breath.

Her body was forced still as she ran into a wire fence, the small barbs sinking into her palms as her fists closed around it in an attempt to steady herself.

She lifted her hands up and stared at the marred, bleeding flesh curiously. How had that happened?

Slowly, she lowered her head to look at the fence and took a step forward, forcing her body to stoop, sliding through the wires as the barbs dragged down her back, catching on the waist band of her pants, tearing into her skin. Her ankle rolled in the ditch and she pitched forward until she fell to the ground. Her body burned as the ants started to crawl over her, biting at her skin in retribution for disturbing their peaceful home.

Her eyes slid closed as a hysterical laugh left her lips. She wanted it gone. She felt like Dorothy, wishing to be home and to not have had any of this happen. She just wanted to forget.

She laid there, her body no longer strong enough to move away from the small creatures battering her ruined skin, her mind drifting into oblivion. Small welts began to form on her hands, arms, neck, face, stomach and back.

At least no one would want to buy her now.

* * *

><p>AN2: I did do a lot of research for this chapter, including messing around with Google Earth and getting layouts of the Jacksonville area and doing property searches. I tried to make it as realistic as possible. :)


	13. Chapter 13

Florida Heat

A/N: It only took me 14 hours but the Doc Manager finally let me upload this chapter! Yay! Anyway, here is chapter 13, I apologize for the delay but sometimes life just happens. Some big revelations to come but don't worry there is plenty more to go! As Always, enjoy!

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><p><span>Chapter 13<span>

The ride out of the main city was quiet. Esposito had called the sheriff when they were leaving the hospital with the address of the farm and Ryan was tapping away at his laptop- mobile internet hooked up by satellite- as they rolled down the long roads.

Kate had spent the time staring out the window, examining the landscape, looking for any semblance of memory. Trees and brush blurred into a green wall with flecks of blue and brown as her eyes unfocused from her task and her mind retreated in on itself. Something was nagging on her memory; something more important than finding her kidnappers but she couldn't think of it. She had heard something, said something, done something important. If only she could remember…

If only…

She shook her head and Castle glanced over to look at her— one hand on top of the wheel, keeping the car steady, the other on top of her thigh: a calm, steady pressure. She took in a deep breath and sighed deeply. That was one thing that was right, she was sure of it. Her hand felt his as her fingers wrapped around his, holding them steady on her leg. It was a small gesture, one she was not used to but one she felt like she was supposed to do anyway. A promise.

_You don't know me, Castle. You think you do, but you don't. _

The words floated through her mind and she felt his hand flip, gripping her fingers as she tried to pull her's away.

No, she told herself, he did know her. He had filled out that whole form. He had yelled because of the unusual food choices she had made. He had told her about her mother and her father. He had sat with her when she had asked him to stay. He had left when she said she needed space. He had come back.

He always came back.

"Hey." His voice floated gently up to her ear. "Are you okay?"

She took in a deep breath and turned to face him, her free hand propped on the door, hand curled by her mouth. She forced her lips into a half-hearted smile, one that he could see right through, but she tried anyway.

"Yeah, I'm all right."

His responding glance clearly stated _liar, _but she just squeezed his hand again and settled them back onto her leg as Esposito leaned forward in his seat; his head poking in between them.

"The turn is coming up on your left."

Castle took his hand back to turn the car into the rocky drive and everyone fell silent as the tires ground on the dirt and gravel road, rocking back and forth as the rolled over divots in the ground. The driveway curved around and an old wooden house came into view, surrounded by pens and riding rings. A couple of horses pranced in the distance but one stood still by the wooden fence.

* * *

><p>Kate turned in a slow circle outside of the farmhouse. A horse snuffled in the distance and her eyes traveled over to look at it. Its tail swished silently in the evening air, flipping at the mosquitoes and various other pests trying to land on its skin. Kate's anxiety level had been rising since they had turned onto the long drive to the house and it had taken Castle a minute to coax her out of the car. She had ended up snapping at him for treating her like a child but he hadn't seemed to notice or to care.<p>

That's when she noticed she was shaking. Not just small tremors but full on trembles to the point of barely being able to grasp the door handle.

"I think we are in the right place," she had joked weakly and his small smile was forced as her attempt at a joke had fallen flat.

Not that she blamed him, she wouldn't have laughed at it either.

Ryan and Esposito stayed silent, watching cautiously, as she climbed out of the car and her fingers wound themselves through Castle's.

"Are you sure you are okay to do this?" Castle has whispered only for her to here, leaning down so his lips were almost pressed against her ear, their clothing, bodies brushing each other as they stood toe to toe.

She nodded bravely in return, jumping only slightly when gravel crunched behind them and turned as they saw the sheriff's patrol car slowly drift around a blind curve in the drive.

Esposito and Ryan went over to greet the man, while Kate continued to stare at the horse, shaking her hand loose from Castle's in order to go over and pet the animal on the nose. The horse snuffled and whinnied softly, nudging Kate's hand with its snout. She stroked the bristly fur for a second, petting it gently as it snuffled in her palm, looking for a treat. Its wide, black eyes blinked as its ears twitched and Kate smiled at the creature. She knew this horse.

"I heard them," she whispered suddenly. "I could hear them through the wall. They would stomp and whinny. I pressed my ear against the slit under the door so I could hear them. They were the only sound out there."

Castle stood still as she continued to talk, half to him, half to the horse.

Her voice died and he walked up to her slowly, placing a hand softly on her lower back.

"Kate," he started softly. "What do you remember?"

She turned to him with tears in her eyes and a red splotch starting to form over her nose as her chin crumpled. The flashes of memory came in sudden bursts, like tiny little bullets of images in her brain. A glass of water, moldy mattress, the house in New York, the Daniels', Captain Gates, Alexis, the horses, stumbling to the ground and pushing herself back up, the piece of bread, a needle, ants, her mothers ring, her father's watch. Castle's smile, the way it felt when he'd kissed her... Detective Raglan; Captain Montgomery. Ants everywhere. Stinging. They hurt so badly but she couldn't get up. She wouldn't let herself get up.

Lanie, Heat Wave, Josh, a giant Buddha head, an oversized steam powered bicycle, alien abductions, CIA agents. A freezer. Being so so cold. What she should have said… The Hamptons, a girl with flowers on her eyes. Blue eyes.

"Everything." Her voice cracked as she heaved in a deep breath. "I remember everything."

The tears began to stream down her face as she gasped out a sob. "I didn't want to Castle. Oh, God. I didn't want to remember. I did it to myself and I didn't want to remember. I broke the cup and used the plastic. I was so hungry I could barely stand but I ran. When I got the chance I just ran."

Castle pulled her to him while she rambled and sobbed in incoherent fragments of sentences.

"It's okay," he whispered into her ear. Her hair tickled his nose as he hunched over, around her. "Everything is going to be okay. I promise. I got you."

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Castle. I am so sorry."

He held her as she continued to apologize for unstated transgressions until she finally fell quiet and her sobs quieted into soft sniffles against his neck.

"It's okay," he whispered over and over. "It's all going to be okay. I got you. I got you, Kate. I'm never letting go. I got you."

* * *

><p>The sun was setting as they headed back out to the car. The sheriff had been making calls since he had arrived, getting as much information on the property as possible. He had also turned a blind eye as the quartet had poked around, conducting their own investigation of the currently vacated property.<p>

Kate shook her head when they asked if she remembered where she had been held. She had barely said a word since she had broken down in Castle's arm and he was trying to figure out if it was embarrassment and shame causing her silence, or just the fact that she was overwhelmed with the flood of information.

"No. It happened so fast and I was almost delirious. I don't remember anything but running for daylight."

She clutched his hand as they made their way around the house and out to the stables. She didn't care if she looked weak or if the guys were wondering about their relationship status. She wanted contact. She needed to feel grounded.

They found the room at the far end of the stables, a concrete block extension of the structure. The door was ajar, and Esposito went in first, holding a hand out, gesturing for the others to stay back.

"Clear," he stated softly, a habit of years as a cop.

The other three followed him in, all not going any further than just beyond the threshold of the room.

The room filled with silence as they all looked around in the dim evening light. Castle leaned back, out the door and hit a switch on the wall, flooding the stark room with bright, florescent light.

Kate held up her free hand, shielding her eyes from the light as she continued to blink into her former cell. The mattress was still lying limp in the corner. There was a bloodstain on the floor.

"I hit him."

The three men shuffled, nervously. They didn't like this. None of it. They did not like seeing this at all. She had been held here for hours, days; this woman that they all cared about, loved. Now, she was standing beside them reliving it all again as she stared blankly at the wall.

"Let's get out of here," Ryan voiced as he backed towards the door, letting the unstated words hang in the air. _I don't want to look at this anymore. _

"The owners are out of town," the sheriff stated as they huddled in a group next to the cars. "A neighbor kid was looking after the horses for them. He would come once in the morning and once in the evening to check on everything. I doubt he's your guy, though, because he is fourteen. His parents said that he never heard or saw anything but I am going to head on over there, anyway, to get a statement. A team is on their way out here to collect evidence, et cetera. I will wait for them, why don't you four head out. You've done enough."

His eyes cut over to Kate and he shuffled his feet slightly as he hooked his thumbs into his belt. "Detective, I am glad to see you are feeling better. We were worried about you when you were first found."

Kate responded with a small smile and a bob of her head. "I would like to say it was a pleasure, Sheriff, but it really wasn't. If I ever come back down here again I plan on spending my days at the beach, but somehow I doubt that will ever happen. No offense."

The sheriff let out a soft laugh. "None taken ma'am. Detectives, Mr. Castle. Have a good night."

The four shuffled into the car and fell back into their seats, sighs of relief echoing through the small cabin.

"Let's get out of here," Kate prompted softly when Castle didn't start the engine right away.

He nodded in reply and pressed on the gas. The car rumbled back up the drive and Castle had to flip on the headlights as the sedan's nose edged out to the main road.

A red pick-up truck, which had slowed right before the drive, suddenly sped up and jetted past them. Kate craned her neck to watch it fly down the road. That truck. She knew that truck. Think Kate. Just think.

_She sprinted across the open land, her head swimming, floating in a haze, as the sun beat down on her skin and she headed for the tree line in the distance. Her eyes caught a flash of red as her brain fleetingly registered a large red pick-up truck in the driveway. _

"Them!" she pointed after the truck. "Follow them."

Castle didn't even question her sudden order as he spun the wheel and floored the pedal as the truck disappeared down the road, the hazy evening dropping further and further into darkness around them.


	14. Chapter 14

Florida Heat 

A/N: :)

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><p><span>Chapter 14<span>

Esposito was shouting orders into his phone as he spoke to the sheriff on the other end. Ryan's fingers were flying over the keyboard of his laptop as he typed in the license plate number and any other information he could think of. Castle let out a shaky breath and pressed his foot further down onto the accelerator causing Beckett to grasp tighter onto the bar above the passenger side window.

"This is why I never let you drive, you know," she snapped as she sucked in a deep breath of air. "You're a maniac."

"I am not a maniac. I am trying to keep up with the maniacs," Castle shot back before giving her a glance, realization dawning in his eyes. "You're car sick!"

"Am not," she defended before sucking in another gasp of air.

"Yes, you are," Castle laughed, looking back at the road as he raced after the red pick-up truck.

Kate rolled her eyes and let out a slight groan. "Okay, yes, fine. I'm carsick. Now, aren't you glad I insist on driving everywhere so I don't barf all over you?"

Castle let out another laugh and shook his head. "And here you made me think it was all because of me. I am just glad to know it is your problem, not mine."

Kate rolled her eyes again before bracing an arm on the dashboard. "Castle slow down. They're turning!"

"Oh, great," Castle grumbled. "And you're a backseat driver."

"Castle," Kate growled out in response. "Now is not a good time."

Castle let out a smug grin. "Just glad to have you back, Katie girl."

"You call me that one more time, I swear to God I will make sure Alexis is an only child."

"Oh, and idle threats. You really are better," Castle quipped as he swung the wheel around to make a hard right, the car swaying slightly as it drifted in the road.

Kate was about to respond when Ryan yelled triumphantly from the backseat. "We've got them."

"Pull back. Castle, pull back," Kate ordered and Castle glanced over at her with a confused look.

"What? Why?"

Kate sighed as she sucked in another deep breath. "Ryan has their information. If we back off, make them think they have lost us they will head home. We can catch up with them there, when we have back up and lower chances of dying in a flaming pile."

Castle nodded reluctantly as he eased off of the gas, trying to make the red truck's getaway seem as natural as possible.

As soon as the truck flew out of sight Castle eased the sedan into the parking lot of a gas station and the group let out a collective sigh of relief. They listened as Esposito rattled off their current location to the sheriff. Castle gave a quick nod before he unbuckled his seatbelt and swung himself out of the door, walking towards the convenience store without another word.

Kate stared as the door to the building swung open and he disappeared inside only to reappear moments later with a bottle in one hand and bag in the others.

Silently, he got back into the car and handed her the bottle of ginger ale and pulled out a box of crackers.

Kate cracked a small smile and shook her head. "Thank you."

Castle's mouth twisted into a half smile as he stared back at her. "It's not every day you let me take care of you. Figured I would milk it while I could."

A loud sigh came from the back seat, effectively breaking the moment that had been building and the pair swiveled around to find both men staring at them with hurt expressions covering their features. "What about us bro? Your driving isn't exactly spectacular. Did you ever stop to think that maybe we were a little nauseous back here as well?"

Castle sighed as Kate let out a small chuckle and took a sip of her drink.

"Fine. What do you want?"

Castle listened as the two detectives rattled off a list of demands, including but not limited to, a blue slushie and Twizzlers, before once again opening his door and grumbling. Nothing they had listed in any way helped an upset stomach.

* * *

><p>It was completely dark by the time the sheriff pulled into the station, two more squad cars on his tail.<p>

"Mr. Castle, Detectives," he greeted as the group huddled in the warm evening air. "Do you all always have this much excitement, or is it just my luck?"

The group chuckled as Kate piped up. "Oh, no, Sheriff, normally we are a lot more exciting than this."

The sheriff shook his head in amazement and listened as the group filled in the locals on what had just happened.

The sheriff nodded his head. "We've got it from here, we'll contact the other districts, coordinate a meeting. You all should go home."

Castle opened his mouth to protest as Ryan and Esposito shared a look and Kate took a step forward. "I'm not going anywhere until these sons of bitches are caught."

Sheriff Hunt was not a small man and, combined with the wall of men standing behind him, he made a pretty intimidating picture. That didn't stop him from taking a small step back as Kate Beckett stalked into his personal space.

"You saw that room they kept me in Sheriff. You have heard what they did to me, not to mention those girls in New York who are dead and were left to rot in an alley. I am not leaving until I know that they are in custody and are singing like songbirds about their associates. You got me?"

The sheriff gulped slightly and nodded his head. "Fine. You all stay."

All four of them let out small smiles and Castle forced himself not to reach out and grab Beckett's hand. He couldn't be all mushy when she was being a badass. It would ruin the image.

That would be rule number one.

Kate took a step back to join her group but paused as the sheriff began to talk again, pointing at her. "But you aren't coming with us to the house tonight."

"But, I…"

"No, Detective. You are a victim and possibly our only witness. You aren't getting anywhere near this arrest."

Castle could practically see the steam coming out of Kate's ears but she took another step back and nodded her head in agreement. "Fine, but Castle and Ryan go with you. Esposito will stay with me."

The other three exchanged a glance and Espo shrugged. He didn't know what was going on either.

The sheriff glanced between the three men and let out a defeated sigh. "Fine. They can come."

Sheriff Hunt and the other Jacksonville police officers turned back towards their squad cars and Castle caught Beckett's arm, guiding her a couple of steps to the side.

"What's going on, Kate?"

Kate shook her head. "I'm not sure. I have a funny feeling. You two need to be there. Espo will stay with me. You think the most like me, Rick. You know everything that I know. If there is a clue there you will see it. Partners, right?"

Castle nodded and brought his forehead down to rest against hers. "Partners. You still willing to let me take you out to dinner when we get home? I know this awesome low key place with burgers and the best shakes known to mankind."

Kate let out a small laugh. "You want to take me on our first date to Remy's?"

Castel pulled back his head slightly, "Beckett, you wound me. This would in no way be our first date. We have been dating for years. This would merely be our first date with benefits."

He let out small chuckle as she slapped him lightly on the arm and turned back towards the sedan. He caught her hand and pulled her back towards him.

"No regrets?" He asked softly as his fingers squeezed hers.

She shook her head as her green eyes met his blue ones, turning grey in the artificial light. "Never."

His face cracked into a wide smile as she stretched up onto her tiptoes and brushed a soft kiss along his cheekbone. She pulled back and made her way over to the sedan, slipping into the passenger seat as Esposito started the ignition.

"Come on, man," Ryan said as he came up beside him and clasped a hand down on his shoulder. "We have some traffickers to catch. The sooner we do, the sooner you two can get to that date."

Castle sighed as he followed the shorter man towards the squad cars. "How much of that did you hear?"

"Enough for Espo to justify giving you the big brother talk later."

Castle let out a small laugh. As intimidating as Javier Esposito could be, an actual date with Kate Beckett was definitely worth it.

"Let's go get ourselves some bad guys."

* * *

><p>The car ride back to the hotel was silent except for the soft music drifting from the speakers. Kate was picking at the hemline of her shorts as Javi weaved through traffic, attempting to make the long drive as short as possible. Even after the sun set they had the air conditioning blowing full force and Kate pulled her hair up into a ponytail to cool her neck.<p>

"You want to tell me what's going on, chica?" Esposito questioned quietly as they walked down the hall towards the hotel rooms.

Kate glanced over at him. "What do you mean?"

Javi let out a sigh and leaned back against the door to her hotel room, blocking her access to the lock and therefore her escape from the conversation. "Back there, with the sheriff, you back down with barely a fight. You asked me to take you back here instead of Castle. You've been quiet; too quiet. You're never this lost in your own head."

Kate shook her head and let out a sigh as she rubbed a hand over the back of her neck. She shifted slightly as she looked both ways down the deserted hallway.

"What happened with Montgomery? I remember that it was bad, and I remember the funeral, but everything else is blank. I need you to tell me, Javi."

Esposito nodded silently as he clenched his jaw and pushed himself off of the door. "Let's go inside."

Kate let out a breath of air and nodded in agreement. She couldn't wait until this was over and everything was back to normal.

* * *

><p>The house on the river was quiet and Castle and Ryan shared a knowing look as they pulled up the long driveway. They had been right.<p>

The group filed out of the cars and Sheriff Hunt put a hand to Castle's chest. "You two stay back here."

Castle sucked in a breath and Ryan straightened up next to him, puffing out his chest in the process. "We need to be up there. What if we see something you all would miss? We can help."

The sheriff glanced between the two men, weighting them carefully. "Fine, but you stay behind us."

The pair nodded in agreement as the group made their way towards the bright red door.

A dog barked on the inside and a tall man with a shaved head and a collared shirt answered the door. "Officers? What can I do for you this evening?"

The man's soft accent was pleasant enough and his smile was disarming, charming in a way.

"Mr. Luke Greene?" The sheriff questioned and the man nodded in agreement.

"Yes, sir, that's me. May I ask what this is about?"

"Is that your car in the driveway, Mr. Greene?"

Luke Greene nodded in affirmation. "Yes, sir, it is."

"Were you driving it earlier this evening down Route 12?" The sheriff continued and Castle shifted, sharing a look with Ryan. This was not going to go well, the man was too smug.

"Yes, sir, I was. Is this about that car that started chasing me, sir? Because I was just driving, minding my own business, when a silver sedan pulled out behind me and started tailing me."

The sheriff shifted as Luke leaned against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest, completely relaxed.

"May I ask what you were doing out there?" The sheriff continued.

"I was visiting a friend."

The sheriff nodded again. "Do you have any business at the Jefferson's farm?"

Luke green frowned and shook his head. "I never even heard of it. Now, if you don't have any more questions for me officers, it is late and I would like to get back to my evening."

The sheriff sighed and nodded, taking a step back as Greene lifted his arm to shut the door.

Castle looked up at the man, studying his face for any sign of recognition when something caught his eye, a flash of light. He felt his eyes widen and he took a step forwards, pushing through the cops as he held a hand out to stop the door from shutting.

"Mr. Castle," Sheriff Hunt started but stopped his protest as Castle held up a finger, gesturing that he only needed a minute.

"Can I help you?" Greene asked, a hint of annoyance and exasperation in his voice.

The smug son of a bitch actually thought he was going to get away with it. Castle shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Mr. Greene, I was just admiring that watch you are wearing. It is a very unique piece. I swear I have seen one just like it before."

Castle trailed off, a small smile covering his face as he saw Greene's eyes grew wide.

"That is a crazy coincidence," Greene managed to agree.

"In fact," Castle continued. "I have a friend who had one just like it. It was custom made for her father. Unfortunately, she lost it a couple of days ago when she was being held against her will out at the Jefferson's farm. Now, isn't it just a crazy coincidence that you happened to be out there in a red pick-up truck today? One exactly like the one she said she saw her captors driving. Isn't it also amazing that you fit her description of her captor almost to a T and you happen to be wearing an exact replica of her stolen one-of-a-kind watch? Now, tell me Mr. Greene, if we talked to your wife, would she happen to be wearing my friend's stolen ring on her finger, as well?"


	15. Chapter 15

Florida Heat 

A/N: Thank you for your patience in waiting for this chapter. Like I've said before, I am not abandoning any of my stories. They will all get finished in time, but unfortunately school must come before the joys of writing. But, without further ado, here is chapter 15. To all of you who have been sticking with me since the beginning thank you, your support is overwhelming. I am so happy you love this story. If you are just getting caught up, then welcome. I look forward to hearing what you think!

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><p><span>Chapter 15<span>

Kate plucked at the seam of the comforter on her hotel room bed. She couldn't wait to get home: back to New York, back to her own apartment and the precinct. Her life. Everything was still jumbled in her mind, flashes of memories came and went with abandon; flickering through her mind like a jumping movie. All of the pieces were there but the order was still working itself out.

"_Montgomery died saving your life. He wanted to make his sins up to you; to protect you since he couldn't protect your mother." _

_Javier's soft voice echoed in her ears as her fingers picked at the blankets. _

"_We tried looking into Montgomery's background a little bit more, but all of the trails ended cold. Whoever was behind all of this is still out there and there is a good chance they would be coming after you next. You promised Castle that you would let the case go for a while, back off until things died down. That's all I know, chica."_

He had gone back to his room, an hour before, after they had received a call from Castle saying that they had caught the bastard. Greene. It was such an unassuming name. Miller, Daniels, Greene. Somehow, it seemed wrong: all American human traffickers. It would be easier if they were foreign, enemies of The State, looking to hurt the most powerful nation in the world. Instead, it was the opposite. American's looking to use unsuspecting outsiders. Moving people like they were pawn in a game, animals to be used, abused and put down when they turned up lame.

Kate glanced up at the soft knock on the door. It was late, past midnight.

She made her way over slowly, her bare feet padding against the rough carpeted floor. Her hair tumbled down in waves, curling down over her shoulders, the overlarge t-shirt engulfing her body as she moved.

"Hey," her voice was soft as she propped a hip against the door jam, staring up at him.

"Hey," he replied, exhaustion and a torrent of other emotions tumbling from his eyes as he stared back down at her, a soft smile playing at his lips.

"So, did he confess?"

He nodded his head slowly, his arms crossed over his chest. "Sung like a songbird. Chirped out a list of associates, including Jack and Judy Daniels, the couple you were going to see when you disappeared. We already called Gates. They are going to pick them up now."

Kate nodded, taking a step back, a silent invitation for him to enter her room. "You want to come in?"

He looked down at her for a long second, his eyes softening as he took in her features. The slight scars still peppered her skin, the blush of life once again beginning to fill her cheeks, her eyes. He smiled slightly as he shook his head. "Not right now, I'm going to go to sleep. You should do the same."

He reached out to cup her face, his thumb glancing softly over her cheekbone, tracing a pattern under her tired eye, before he dropped his hand back down to his side. "We're okay to go, everything is done down here. Ryan and I were thinking that we would head out tomorrow. There's a flight heading out around noon that we could all get on."

She nodded softly. "Sounds good. I'm ready to go home."

He bobbed his head in reply. "Me too. I'll be by to pick you up for breakfast. It's on me."

She chuckled softly as she bit her lip—a Kate tick. He smiled. "Breakfast is free, you know."

He shrugged. "Goodnight Kate."

"Until tomorrow, Rick."

The door click shut as she made her way back to her bed, falling into the pile of soft sheets and blankets. She smiled as she burrowed her hear into the pillow and reached up to turn off the light.

Home. She couldn't wait.

* * *

><p>Kate slumped against the door to her apartment as she turned to face him; a waterfall of messy curly hair falling over her face as she lazily pushed it behind her ear.<p>

The rental car had been dropped off at the airport and the flight had been easy enough. Traffic jams through the city had been kept to a minimum, like the Gods of Gridlock had been informed of the path of the weary travelers, but both sets of shoulders still slumped as they made they way from the sidewalk and into the elevator of Kate's apartment building.

"Long week," he stated knowingly as he stood, rocking back on his heels with his hands in his pockets.

A lock of hair fell down over his forehead, a testament to how accurate his previous statement actually was. Her hand reached up without a second thought and brushed the hair back out of his eyes.

"Long week," she agreed, her voice low and soft. "You want to come in?"

His gaze flickered from her face to the doorknob her lean fingers were resting on. She was a different woman than she had been a year ago, a month ago, hell, even a week ago. She was less guarded and somehow, even less damaged despite all of the horrors of the past year. Briefly he wondered if she truly did remember everything, every fight, every smile, every tear?

Did he want her to?

Castle let out a small sigh as she stared up at him, eyes wide, full of wonder and knowing. Sometimes he did wonder if she could actually see into his soul, read his every thought.

"Yeah, I'll come in for a few minutes. I have the feeling we will have to order something to eat, though."

Kate let out a soft chuckle as she turned to unlock the door, pushing it open without a second though, like the old habit it was.

"What are you trying to say about my culinary skills?"

She didn't look around like she had never seen the place before. She put her keys in the bowl by the door and toed off her shoes, like she had never been gone.

Castle shook his head as he followed her through the door, shutting it securely behind him, watching her was she made her way into the familiar apartment. "I'm not saying anything about your culinary skills, I am merely stating that you've been gone for a week. I highly doubt anything in your fridge that might have been edible before, still is."

She turned to smirk at him. "I'm going to go put this stuff down and change into some of my normal clothes. Feel free to order whatever you like. There's probably some beer in the fridge. You know where the wine rack is."

Castle watched as she disappeared through the doorway to her bedroom; uncharted territory. He could only imagine what lay on the other side of those doors. Pictures, books, mementos, clothing, bed. It was a mystery he hoped to one days solve, just like her. He wandered around the island in the kitchen the bedroom door shut with a soft thump, and thumbed through the stack of take out menus. He let out a soft hum and thumbed through them again. The one for General Chang's was missing. He glanced up, looking around the kitchen for any sign of the paper menu from the Mecca of Chinese take out places in Chelsea. No one compared to General Chang's. Now that he had the idea in his head, any other take out would be a let down— proverbial cardboard against his finely tuned palate.

With a sigh he started to make his way across the apartment, out of the kitchen and into the living room. There was a forgotten box of takeout by the computer. Chances are the menu wasn't far away. He picked up the carton, finding the flyer underneath, letting out a small cheer at the success of his mission before crinkling his nose. Whatever was in that container did not smell good. He held it out to his side with two fingers as he scooped up the menu with his other hand and turned to make his way back to the kitchen. Dumpling and Moo Shu pork were calling his name. Something crinkled under his foot and Castle looked down to see a lone piece if paper lying on the ground. Slowly, he placed the box of rotten food back down on the desk and bent to pick it up, frowning. It was a print out of bank records.

Castel turned around, the brow furrowed as he took in his surroundings: the light on the computer was pulsing softly, simulating the peaceful breathing of "sleep mode". His eyes wandered down to the floor. A bottle of wine sat uncorked under the desk, an empty glass sat next to it, a red ring coloring the bottom, the last few drops of liquid staining the glass. He crouched down next to them; the bottle of cabernet was mostly empty. His head swiveled to the side. There were papers everywhere.

How had he not noticed this before?

Stacks of documents covered the floor, some lying free, separated from their piles. Others were filed neatly in manila folders. His eyes trailed up the wall to the shutters that were closed but not latched. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he uncurled from his crouched position and his hand reached out.

There were layers that hadn't been there before. New connections made. Yellow, orange and pink Post-It notes with finely printed statements, strings and arrows pointing in random directions. There was so much more now than there had been three months before. Too much.

"_Please, just walk away for now. Let things calm down and then we will go back to it. You're not the only one in this, Kate. It isn't all about you anymore."_

"_You're right. I need to back away from this, but I still need some space to work everything out for myself."_

"_We'll figure it out, Kate. Give it a few months. When things calm down we will dive back in together. Until then, I will give you whatever space you need. I promise. Just tell me when."_

"Hey, Castle?" Kate's voice sounded as she wandered back out of the bedroom, looking down as she pulled her hair through a rubber band. "Did you figure out what you want to order?"

Castle turned, startled, to look at her, this woman standing in front of him. The woman he loved: his partner. His jaw opened and shut as she looked up, her eyes meeting his full of unstated questions.

"What's wrong, Rick?"

He took in a deep breath as he glanced down at the paper one last time. "You lied to me."

She stared up at him, her head quirked to one side as she studied his face, eyes, the stiffness in his shoulders. Looking, searching for some pretense; an explanation for the former statement.

"What are you talking about?" She asked, voice quiet, low.

"Your mother's case. You've been looking into it again." He could feel his anger rising. She remembered; she had to remember. She was just trying to play it off like she didn't. She was trying to trick him.

She stuttered slightly as she looked around, leaning slightly to glance behind him at her makeshift murder board. "I, um, I don't know what's going on, Rick."

Something snapped inside of him as he took a step towards her and the anger bubbled up through his chest. "Don't B.S. me, Kate. I know you remember. Don't act like you don't. You promised me that you would let this go; that you would back away. But no, you lied to my face. You're still looking into it. They want to kill you and you are running straight at them with a bull's eye on your chest. So, don't give me any of that amnesia crap. Just stop."

She stood staring up at him, her eyes flickering from his face to the board behind him. Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times until he let out another sigh and brushed past her, making his way back towards the door.

"Rick, wait," she called and he paused with his hand on the knob.

Shaking his head, he looked down. "No, not this time. This time you're too late. I am not going to stand around and watch you try to kill yourself again."

He pulled open the metal door and made his way out into the hall, hearing the latch click behind him as he stalked his way towards the elevator.

She had just come back from the brink of death. He couldn't just stand there and watch her chase it down. Not this time. Not again.


	16. Chapter 16

Florida Heat

A/N: Sorry about the delay in posting. I just wanted to reiterate that this is AU season 4. It picks up 3 months after Montgomery was shot but Kate was not shot in the cemetery. The rest of season 4 hasn't happened yet. (oh, and if you are wondering why Castle is so upset over finding out that Kate is still looking into her mother's case, see chapter 6). I hope this clarifies somethings. ;)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 16<span>

Kate stared blankly at the wall behind Gates's desk. Gates was saying something, explaining about the case. She should be paying attention, listening to the stream of word coming from her boss's mouth, but she couldn't. There was already too much going on in her head.

"…They'd ship the girls back and forth to Jacksonville, keep them there until they could smuggle them into the shipping yard. The port in Jacksonville is so small that security is pretty lax. Lax enough, at least, to be able to sneak drugged girls on and off the ships. They would Ruffie the girls; sometimes give them Ketamine if needed to keep them unconscious. Then, they would send them around the world. Ketamine was found in your blood when you were tested initially in the hospital. Rohypnol was not but that doesn't mean anything. You were held for long enough for it to have worked its way out of your system before they drug tested you.

"The Daniels' started to sing once they were caught, hoping for a deal. Apparently, the Millers got greedy, tried to resell some of the girls on their own. Jack & Judy Daniels killed them for it, killed the girls too when they tried to escape…"

Gates paused and sighed, looking at the woman who had been sitting who had been sitting, silent, through the whole speech. When Beckett had entered the office she had placed a pre-written statement on the captain's desk firmly with a silent nod before settling down in the chair to await the details. Gates brought a hand up to rub her forehead as she studied her best detective and the other woman stared off into space, her jaw clenching slightly every couple of seconds.

"Beckett, are you okay?"

When Kate continued to stare blankly at one of the plaques on the wall behind her desk, Gates tried again, her voice a little more firm.

"Kate?"

"Hmm?" Kate's head snapped towards her captain and her eyes blinked a couple of times as they came back into focus.

"Fine. Yeah, I'm fine," she replied, her voice hollow and falling flat as she didn't even try to force her mouth up into a smile to reinforce her statement.

"Uh-huh," Gates replied, pushing herself out of her chair to come around the desk and lean against the front of the piece of furniture. Her arms crossed over her chest as she eyed the younger woman. "What did I just say?"

The red heat traveled up Kate's face, running from her collarbones to her cheeks and ending at the tips of her ears.

"I'm sorry, Sir," she stuttered in reply.

Gates let out another sigh and brought a hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose.

"Go home Beckett," she stated softly as she pushed herself off of the desk and moved back around to her seat.

Kate opened her mouth to protest, sitting forward in her chair, suddenly much more alert. "No, Sir. I'm fine, really. I just zoned out for a second. I promise. Please."

Her voice cracked and Gates looked up, startled. She had never heard Kate Beckett plead for anything before. She sighed again and leaned forward to rest her elbows on the desk in front of her. Locking eyes with the once straight-laced detective in front of her, she was shocked to see panic reflected back in the other woman's wide, pleading eyes.

"You're not fine. Take a week. You went through a very traumatic experience. I would make you take a month but I know you wouldn't take it. So, make an appointment with Dr. Burke and take sometime to pull your head together. You're no good to me like this."

Kate, once again, opened her mouth to protest before snapping it shut and nodding in acquiescence. She looked down to stare at her hands folded in her lap, her long brown hair falling over her shoulder in waves. It was a couple of shades darker than it had been before. One of her hands rose up to pinch the ends of the strands between her fingers, rolling them slightly.

Slowly, she pushed herself out of her chair and turned towards the door, pausing after only a couple of steps.

"Sir?" She began, quietly, waiting for Gates to lift her head to look at her. "The guys told me that there was another detective with me when I was abducted. Is he okay?"

"Detective Johnson?" Gates asked with a small sad smile.

Kate nodded.

Gates took a deep breath, looking down at her desk as she used her fingers, elbows still propped on her desk, to press into her temples. Kate took a step forward, back into the office, and braced her hands on the back of the chair she had previously occupied.

"He's in the hospital, in a coma," Gates began, lifting her head to look at the younger woman. "We found him the day after you turned up. He was picked up during a raid on a crack house in the Bronx a couple of days before and was kept as a John Doe in the hospital. He had no ID on him and running prints on a crack head in a coma wasn't very high on the labs list. He had very high levels of Rohypnol and Ketamine in his system and a series of track marks on his arms. He was beaten pretty badly also. The doctors aren't too hopeful about him waking up."

Kate's face blanched and she took a deep breath as she swallowed hard, her eyes closed.

"It's not your fault, Kate," Gates said gently, watching as the younger woman nodded in reply still avoiding all eye contact.

Kate looked down for a moment before taking a deep breath, steeling herself and looking back up at her boss. "It's not your either, Victoria."

Gates started slightly before dropping her own gaze and giving a tight-lipped nod.

* * *

><p>Kate stared at the mirror, turning her head slightly from side to side.<p>

"So, what will it be, Miss?"

Kate nodded her head slightly, her chin jutting out in a show of bravery. "Just cut it all off."

She could hear the stylist's internal groan as he bit back whatever he wanted to say.

_But your hair is beautiful. You can't do this. It probably took you years to grow it out…"_

Kate shook her head, twisting her mouth up in a brave smile. "It'll grow back."

He nodded hesitantly but threw the bib around her anyway.

"And I want to dye it," Kate continued and the man paused again. "Dark brown."

She nodded again, resolving herself to the orders she had just given.

It was time to go back to the beginning, to start over.

She could do this. She could start again.

This time she would do it better.

* * *

><p>The hospital was cold. Hospitals were always cold, and they all had the same smell. The stench of sickness and disinfectant that stuck in your nose and held in your memory, a constant reminder of the bad times and traumas.<p>

Kate hated hospitals. She had to bring her father to the hospital once when he drank himself unconscious. The time she had been stabbed as a uni had landed her in the hospital for two days. The nurses had discharged her just to get rid of her.

Now, sitting in the hard plastic chair, staring at the man lying prone in the bed, she felt her stomach sink and the bile rise in her throat. She didn't even remember him. She couldn't.

He had followed her into the house, fresh from the promotion board, and she didn't even remember him.

Henry Johnson.

His fiancé had been there everyday, according to his nurses. She had just left to go home and get some rest. His family had flown in from Indiana. He had moved to The City to be with his fiancé, Karen, while she was finishing graduate school at NYU. He wanted to become an FBI agent.

Kate choked back a sob as she stared down at him, sinking further back into the chair, a hand coming up to cup over her mouth, a futile attempt to dull the sound.

"I'm sorry," she gasped out as she stared down at the man, too young to be lying in the hospital in a coma, unlikely to ever wake up.

"It should have been me," she whispered. "It should have been me."

She rocked forward, her elbows resting on her knees as she brought her hands up to press against her mouth in a triangle, palms pressed together. After another moment she shook her head and her hands darted up to wipe the trails of tears off of her face. With one more shaky breath, she pushed her auburn hair behind her ears and swallowed the lump in her throat.

"I'm sorry," she forced out one last time, her voice cracking slightly as she pushed herself out of the chair and turned towards the door. She brought a hand up to run through her hair and it jerked slightly as it hit the end of the strands and fell from the lack of resistance.

The stylist had left it to hang in layers, ending just above her shoulders. It reminded her of when she had first met Castle, only a little bit longer, a little more flare. When she had turned to look in the mirror earlier she had gasped— her eyes shown back a deeper green with the deep brown hair framing her face. It made her look darker, like the world was heavier for her, but, in fact, it made it a little bit lighter, more bearable.

Her sneakers made no sound as they landed on the off-white tile floor and she glanced down at the tips of the Chucks sticking out from under the hem of her jeans. She looked back up as she came to the door at the end of the hall and caught a flicker of her reflection in the glass panel. She didn't look like herself.

She gave the reflection a brief nod as she pressed against the metal bar and forced the door open, the sound cracking the silence as she pushed her way into the stairwell. She didn't look like herself and that was okay. She didn't want to be herself anymore.

She didn't want to be the one lying in the hospital in a coma with no one to come and visit her.

Her father would be there at first, so would the boys and Castle. No matter how mad, he would be there. But eventually, as time went on, her father would get older and the boys' lives would take them away: relationships, families, friends. They would drift off. Castle would move on, find another relationship and she would be alone. Alone and trapped in her own mind.

She couldn't do that, not this time. Not again.

She didn't want to be alone.

She didn't want to forget her mother, Montgomery or the case that made her who she was. But more so, Kate didn't want to be forgotten.


	17. Chapter 17

Florida Heat

A/N: I apologize for the delay but here is chapter 17. I hope you enjoy! :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 17<span>

The clock on the wall had annoyed her at first. The ticking was so loud it made her think for a moment that she had super human powers. Then, her heart panged in her chest because that was something Castle would say.

Her face must have twitched or something because that is when Dr. Burke asked her what she was thinking.

The sound of the ticking clock faded into the background.

Her scars had faded and she had gotten used to the short, dark hair again. She could look in the mirror and see Kate instead of some random woman with bleach-blonde hair staring back at her. She still had scars on her arms and across her belly from the jagged plastic she had forced into her flesh. She could still feel the sting of her own fist hitting her face but outwardly it didn't show.

Inside the storm was still there, brewing beneath the surface.

"What are you thinking about Kate?" His voice was soft, low. Comforting.

But that was the point, wasn't it. You were supposed to be able to trust your therapist. Confide in him. Tell him your deepest darkest secrets and trust that they would never be spilt.

She still couldn't answer. Answering meant putting the jumbled mess of words in her head into coherent thoughts. She wasn't a wordsmith. She wasn't a writer. She was…

She didn't know what she was.

That was the problem.

"I don't know who I am." Her voice was soft, barely above a whisper.

He was startled. She could see it in his eyes, but outwardly he showed no other indication.

"What do you mean? Are you still having memory lapses?"

He was leaning a little bit forward in his chair now, looking at her in concern. Probably wondering if he would need to escort her to the hospital for more brain scans.

She shook her head slowly, still slightly surprised when the ends of her straight hair slapped her cheeks gently.

"No, it's not that. I remember who I am. I just don't know what any of it means."

She was sitting with her feet curled up in the chair with her. Her back pressed into the crease between the back and the arm of the dark blue upholstered chair. Her pale skin and white shirt stood out in stark contrast against her dark wash jeans, almost black hair and the dark fabric of the cushions. Her eyes flickered up at him from where she had been staring at her knees, a fingernail picking at a loose string. The bright green irises almost showed like beacons; a sign of hope. Almost.

"Well, you're a single thirty-one year old woman. You're a cop. You're a daughter," Burke stated calmly, sinking back into his chair. "What else are you?"

Kate stared up at him, pulling her knees and feet closer to her body. Becoming smaller.

"I'm, um." She paused as she felt the tears start to swell in her eyes. She wouldn't cry. No. Not now. She took a deep, calming breath. She would cry later in her shower, when she was alone in her apartment. Her tears would mix with the water and then she could pretend like it never happened. Like the tears never spilt. "I'm a reader. I like to read. I've begun to like country music lately…"

She let out a small, embarrassed laugh. "I'm a lover. I want to love…"

Her voice trailed off. _I want to love him…_

"I'm stubborn. I'm driven… I'm driven because of my mother."

Burke nodded. "Your mother's case. We've talked about that before. When Montgomery was shot. Do you want to talk about it now?"

Kate shook her head. Her words were slow. Drawn out as she felt them roll of her tongue as she mapped out the path they were leading her down. "No, everything was going so well until it came back up… I don't want to talk about it anymore. I don't want to think about it at all, but it's all I can think about. I don't want to betray her but I want to move on and I can't."

Burke's pen tilted up slightly in his hand as he flicked it up with his words, the point moving in beat. Kate's eyes followed the pen as he talked. "You're mother's dead, Kate. She can't feel anything. What about you? Do you think she would like you to be living your life like this? Do you think she would want you to carry this burden because of her?"

Kate stared at the tip of the pen. His words were like a slap in the face. Blunt. They stung for a second before the hurt started to fade. He wasn't trying to hurt her. He wasn't…

Her lips pressed together as she swallowed and she could feel the prickling return to her eyes. The first tear fell and she was thankful she had forgone make-up for the day.

"I, um. I don't think she would. She always wanted me to live my life for myself. She always encouraged me to follow my dreams."

Burke nodded as his hands fell to his lap, his pen with them. "I think you need to listen to your mother, Kate. I think you need to figure out what your dreams are and follow them."

Kate stared at the spot where the pen had been moments before, her cheeks slick with tears and oil. She had to part her lips to breathe, her tongue darting out to moisten the cracked skin.

She needed to remember to pick up a new tube of chapstick on the way home: one with aloe.

"How do I do that?"

Burke let out a soft sigh, tilting his head to look at her. "Figure out who you want to be Kate and then choose to become it."

* * *

><p>Kate leaned against the rough brick wall of the office building that housed Burke's office. The large sunglasses on her face camouflaged her red puffy eyes. She was limp: physically and emotionally drained. Therapy had a tendency to do that to her: rip out her insides and turn her into a swirling pile of flesh and bones. Her beating heart crushed somewhere on the sidewalk beside her.<p>

She pulled out her cell phone, and, with shaky fingers dialed the number.

It rang three times before the person on the other end answered.

"Gates."

"Captain, it's Beckett," Kate paused, lowering her head to pinch the bridge of her nose. A headache was building. "I think I will take that month."

She sighed as she hung up the phone and leaned her head back against the wall. It was a mess. A huge, fucking, mess.

She stopped at her apartment only long enough to pack a bag before heading back out again: a sturdy pair of boots on her feet and a leather jacket pulled around her top. Her eyes paused on her makeshift murder board and she felt the anger, guilt and hurt bubble back up inside of her. She hadn't known that she had done it.

Looking back over the notes, some had been dates June and July 2011 so she knew that she had been looking further into the investigation after Montgomery's funeral but she honestly hadn't remembered when Castle had seen it. She still didn't. It was a blank.

_Maybe it's blank for a reason. Maybe this is a sign that you need to let go._

Kate sighed as she pulled the door shut behind her and turned the key in the lock, her motorcycle helmet tucked securely in the crook of her left elbow.

She needed to get away from it all.

* * *

><p>The open road felt good around her as she leaned forward slightly on the bike, urging it to go faster. She turned off the interstate, onto the exit ramp and slowed down as she wound through the streets lined with elegant beach houses. The side of town where the locals lived was a stark contrast to the vacation homes. Worn down houses with chipped paint full of history and hard work in a stand off with well-manicured lawns and glass doors. She turned the bike down the driveway and killed the engine as she stared up at the large beach house.<p>

It was dark, no lights from the house or the street. The sound of the waves crashed in the background and Kate was plunged into darkness as she turned off the headlight on her Harley. She pulled her helmet off of her head and stared up at the building looming over her, a ghost of it still visible. Part of her had hoped he would be here, brooding in his own beach-style bat cave. But she wasn't surprised to find it empty. Dark.

_Just like you._ The voice in her head taunted.

She shook her head as she swung her leg off of the bike and unstrapped her bag, so she could sling it over her shoulder as she made her way up the walk by the light of her cell phone.

She didn't want to be empty anymore. She didn't want to be dark. She didn't want to be alone.

The irony.

She slipped the key Castle had given her into the lock and turned it slowly. The door swung open and she could smell the musty air of the house that hadn't been used for the better part of a year. She flipped on the light and stared around the room. The floors were tile and the walls were beige. Minimalistic. The furniture was "beachy" for the lack of a better term: bright, cheerful, colors that stood out from the off white tile. Her lips tugged up at the sight of seashell art on the wall.

She shook her head as she snorted. Of course he would have seashell art. Sometimes that man reveled in clichés.

Her smile turned genuine as she wandered down the hall of Castle's Hamptons beach house. Her steps echoed down the halls, filling the house with staccato notes of sound, as her boots connected with the large tiles. Pictures lined the walls. Mostly of him and Alexis. She could see the girl growing up as she walked farther down the hall. A series of freeze frames on a timeline. Some pictures included Meredith, Gina or Martha but mostly it was just the two of them, covered in sand or playing in the waves. Cuddled on the couch watching movies. She reached up and ran her fingers over the glass covering of one photo.

She forced her weary body up the stairs and made her way through the first open door she found, flopping down onto the bed the moment she had entered. Her bag fell from her fingers and she rolled onto her back, reaching down to pull off her boots. She struggled to shrug off her jacket, stripped off her jeans and maneuver her bra out through one sleeve of her t-shirt without ever leaving the mattress, her eyes drifting shut seconds later.

She couldn't go to him and ask him to help her through this. She had to do it on her own, but at least this way she could have him around her while she did.

They would do it together, if only in her head.


	18. Chapter 18

Florida Heat 

A/N: Only one more chapter to go. Thank you for sticking with this story, I know updates have been far between and sporadic. As always, I love hearing what you think! :)

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 18<span>

Castle's fingers tapped a staccato rhythm on the desk as he propped his head in his chin and stared at the computer screen. He had been trying to write something, anything but the words would not come. They were tied in a jumbled knot in his head: a string of incomprehensible gibberish swirling around with lines from real life echoing back at him. It had been two weeks since they had fought and he had walked out of her apartment, not looking back.

_You should call. _The voice in the back of his head reasoned. _She was hurt. She went through a traumatic experience. The least you can do is make sure she's okay. _

Castle sighed as his gaze drifted to his phone, the feeling of guilt and embarrassment flooding him, melting into the anger and hurt already coursing through his veins. She had lied, straight to his face. She had told him that she had stopped investigating her mother's case, if only for now, until they could go back to it later, together. Together when things had calmed, when they weren't both looking over their shoulders and waiting for the next shoe to drop, for the next bullet to come slicing through the air. But instead, she had lied. She had said that she was tired and she was taking time for herself but she was investigating, driving herself into the ground. The room had looked like a bomb had gone off, facts, sticky notes, scribbles about Johanna Beckett covering every surface, blending together. A single wine glass had sat on the ground surrounded by empty wine bottles. She had been at this for days, weeks and had told him that she couldn't go out to the bar, couldn't grab lunch because she was tired. She wanted time.

She had lied.

But now, she had gone through another traumatic experience, worse than the last because it had happened to her and not just to someone she was close to and he had walked out. He had slammed the door in her face after promising to be there for her.

He sighed as his fingers reached out, wrapping around his iPhone. He lifted it in front of his face, holding it out in his palm, feeling the weight of it. He debated for a second longer, before pressing the icon and moving it to rest against his ear before he could give it another thought.

It rang once, twice and his fingers twitched against the back of the strong jelly cover. It rang a third time and he huffed impatiently. When it rang a forth time, he was about to give up when the phone clicked over and a voice greeted him from across the line.

"Esposito."

"Hey, Espo," Castle replied, the pounding in his chest dissipating slightly.

"Hey, Castle. What's up man?"

"You know, the usual. Writing away…" he trailed off as the voice in the back of his head piped up again. _Stop being a coward, hang up with Esposito and call her already._

"What's wrong, Castle? You sound funny."

Castle let out a self-deprecating laugh, sucking up his pride. "I was just calling to catch up, see how you and Ryan were doing. How Beckett is doing… I haven't talked to her in a few days. I heard you and Ryan got reinstated though, no more suspension."

Esposito let out a knowing hum. "I don't know, man. She said she was taking a month off after we got back from Florida; I haven't talked to her since. Let me ask Ryan."

Castle let out a groan as Esposito yelled across the bullpen to his partner. "Yo, Ryan. Have you heard from Beckett? Mom and Dad are fighting again and he's too much of a wuss to call her."

"Sorry, man," Esposito spoke into the phone after a pause. "Nothing."

Castle hung up the phone with a sigh and let it fall to his lap, tapping the top with his finger a couple of times while he ran a hand through his hair, debating.

"Stop being a wuss, Castle," he mumbled to himself, before tapping the screen with a stiff finger, dialing the number, which had been burned into his brain long ago.

The phone rang before clicking over to voicemail and he let it drop from his ear once more. He shook his head and his hand was jittery as he tried his last resort, his level of anxiety rising again as his fingers tapped the screen, missing buttons and forcing him to go back, go slower. Something was wrong. No one knew where she was, she wasn't answering her phone; something had to be wrong.

He tapped his fingers on the desk as the phone rang in his ear for a third time. He mumbled into the receiver, begging the person on the other line to pick up. The ringing ended with a questioning answer and Castle let out a sigh of relief as he heard Jim Beckett's voice across the line.

* * *

><p>Kate awoke with a start, the heel of her hand pressed against her breastbone as she heaved in a breath. The sheet of sweat covering her body was slick, making her long white shirt stick to her clammy skin and the sun streaming in through the window blinded her as she blinked around the cheerful room. She had barely slept in the past two weeks. The hidden memories in the smiling faces of the photos lining the walls and the sound of the crashing waves haunted her dreams, taunting her in the middle of the night. So, she began attempting to sleep in the middle of the day. That just led to another set of nightmares: waking up on the side of the road in the blistering sun. She's wake up scratching imaginary bites on her arms. But the only thought worse than tossing and turning in the beach house, was going home to the empty apartment full of stagnant air, old memories and the murder board.<p>

With a grunt, Kate flipped back the thin blanket and swung her legs out of bed, pulling the t-shirt away from her skin, wiggling her shoulders to free her skin from the cotton. She made her way down the stairs, the back of her shirt flapping gently against her bare thighs as she descended the steps into the kitchen, heading straight for the refrigerator. Pulling the door open she leaned against it, letting out a thankful sigh as the cold air washed over her, cooling her overheated skin, forcing the sweat to dry to her skin, covering it in sticky coat of salt and oil. She stared at the meager contents of the fridge as she reveled in the feeling of the cool air. After a moment, the door shut with a thud and she turned her attention to the cabinet, finding there only a bag of cheese puffs a jar of peanut butter and half a loaf of bread which was starting to border the line on stale. She really needed to make her way back into town and do some shopping but she was so tired. All she wanted to do was sleep.

Her eyes drifted to the side of the cabinet, coming to rest on the still full, sealed bottle of vodka sitting there, staring back at her. She had resisted the temptation for the last two weeks. She had bought the bottle during her initial trip into town when she had stocked up on the essentials. Slowly her hand crept out and grasped the neck of the bottle. She'd just have a couple of shots, just enough to help clear her mind; take the edge off. Then, she would be able to sleep.

* * *

><p>Castle's car crept to a stop in the drive way of the beach house as the sun was starting to slip below the horizon casting a pink and orange hue over the world. He let out a sigh of relief when he saw the Harley parked by the front step.<p>

She was there.

Jim had only been able to tell him that Kate was going to a friend's beach house for a couple of weeks. Considering that Castle didn't think Kate was in the state of mind to be partying with girlfriends, she and Josh had broken up and she had never said anything about having another friend who owned a beach house, he had assumed she had meant his place up in the Hamptons. He made his way up to the door slowly, his hand hesitating momentarily while he took a deep breath before knocking. His hand connected with the hard wood door solidly three times and he rocked back on his heels while he waited, his hands clasped in front of him.

When she didn't answer, he knocked again. His fingers fidgeted with his keys while he waited. When she still didn't answer, he turned back down the path with a huff and rounded the side of the house looking towards the boardwalk and down to the water. He leaned over the wooden railing and glanced both ways down the beach, looking for the familiar shape of her body, the golden brown head of hair. There were a couple of families on the beach and a group of twenty-somethings setting up a bonfire, a cooler of beer propped open beside them. No one looked familiar. There was no woman sitting on the sand in jeans and a t-shirt staring at the sun set, no one lying on a towel reading a book before the light got to dim and she was forced to go back inside to finish the chapter.

He pulled back out his keys as he rounded the house once again and approached the front door for a second time. He had driven all the way up here, he could wait for her to get home from wherever she was. Maybe he would make dinner, if she had any groceries that was. He rolled his eyes as he turned the key in the lock and pushed the door open. The woman was terrible at actually going to the store and buying food. He took a step into the entry and paused, a new idea coming into his mind.

What if she wasn't here alone?

He hadn't even thought of that. What if she had met someone and they were… Sure he didn't think she would do that, but she had been through a traumatic experience and people did strange things when they had been traumatized. He took a half step back, his hand reaching behind him to grasp the doorknob again.

_Suck it up, man. You had a bad feeling, remember?_

Castle sucked in a deep breath and let the door click shut behind him. She had probably just gone for a run. She did things like that, walk, run, yoga, eat healthy foods and kick box.

He would wait for her and make dinner. Then, they would talk.

He wandered down the hall into the darkened house. The flickering light from the television bounced off of the far wall and he could start to hear the murmur of voices as he got closer to the living room. He rounded the corner and froze, eyes wide, when he saw Kate lying face down on the couch in only a long white shirt. Her legs stretched out behind her and an empty liquor bottle dangling from her fingertips.

"Kate?" He yelled, as his feet began to work again and he crossed the room in a couple long strides, falling to his knees at her side, his hand coming up to brush the short, dark, almost black, hair out of her face. He would think about that later. "Kate? Can you hear me?"

When she didn't respond his hand fell to her neck, pressing two fingers roughly against her pulse point. He felt a steady beat against his fingers and he let out a soft breath as his hand drifted to her back and he could feel the rhythm of her breathing. Asleep. She was asleep.

"Kate?" He asked again, softer, his hand patting her cheek until she let out a moan and her eye blinked open lazily. "Hey, can you hear me?"

"Castle?" She slurred and he let out a relieved laugh.

"Yeah, it's me," he responded, all other words failing him as her dark eyes blinked up at him questioningly.

"What you doing here? Mad at you. Go away."

Castle let out a sigh, his hand falling from her face as she turned it to bury back in the throw pillow. "Not until I know you are all right. Come on."

He reached for her, trying to help lift her off of the couch but she swatting his hand away. "No, just leave me alone. Have to sleep. Finally can."

Castle let out another sigh and brought a hand up to rub his brow. "Okay, I'll let you sleep. Can I at least get you to the bed?"

Kate's head turned back to look at him, her eyes wincing in the dim light. "'kay."

Slowly, he wrapped an arm around, under her arms and helped her off of the could, holding her tight as she stumbled next to him up the stairs and through the door to the master bedroom, which she had taken as her own.

"What are you doing here?" She slurred quietly as she slipped into the bed and pulled the blanket up to her chin, turning on her side to look at him as he knelt on the floor at the edge of the bed.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," he whispered back, honestly. He may as well speak the truth, even if she would never remember it in the morning.

_Especially if she wouldn't remember it in the morning_. The voice in his head argued. _Wuss._

"No, not okay," she mumbled in reply. "I wanted to forget. Why couldn't it jut stay forgotten, Rick? Why couldn't it just be all gone? I want it gone."

Her eyes slipped shut and tear slipped out the corner as she started to cry softly into the pillow. "Why can't I just forget again? Then I could sleep. Then everything would be okay."

Castle let out a sigh as he swallowed the lump filling his throat, a hand coming up to brush back a lock of hair, which had fallen in her face.

"I didn't remember about Montgomery or my mom's case. Would have told you. I promise."

His head dropped at the words and he lifted himself up to his knees to press a kiss to her forehead. It didn't matter anymore. "I know. I know. I was just angry. It's okay. Do you want me to stay?"

He closed his eyes as he pressed his forehead against hers and he felt her head shake against his.

"No. Have to figure out how to not forget. Have to learn to live…" He could feel her breath against his lips as she spoke, her voice soft, words still slurred with the combination of alcohol and sleep. "I want you to go. Gotta do this alone."

* * *

><p>Kate's eyes drifted open and she let out a groan as she pressed the heel of her hand to her forehead. The sun filtered in through the window gently and she rolled over to press her pounding head into the pillow.<p>

What had happened?

Her eyes drifted open again and she squinted up at the ceiling.

"Castle?" She called out, her voice croaking through the layer of gum lining her throat. "Castle, are you here?"

She pressed her hand to her head again, she could have sworn that he had been there and she was in bed. She hadn't been in the bed when she had fallen asleep. Slowly, she swung her legs out of the bed and stumbled down the stairs to the kitchen, reaching blindly for the coffee pot. The house was silent, no other sign of life.

Her heart sank as the coffeemaker gurgled and she began to realize that she was once again alone: her dream of him helping her up the stairs and kissing her forehead, whispering that he loved her into her ear, no longer there to keep her company.

The breeze blew in through the cracked window and a piece of paper fluttering on the counter top caught her attention. Her fingers reached out to it and her lips parted slightly in surprise as she read the few words printed on the white sheet.

_When you are done being alone, you know where to find me._


	19. Chapter 19

Florida Heat

A/N: Thank you all for sticking with this story, I know it has taken a while, and for your awesome words and feedback. It is always greatly appreciated! :)

Now, on to the conclusion

* * *

><p><span>Chapter 19<span>

Sweat was pouring off of her as the sun began to sink below the horizon. Her feet pounded against the damp sand as small waves lapped at her bare feet. She slowed to a walk as the house came into sight and she lifted the hem of her tank top to wipe the layer of sweat off of her forehead. The salt in the air mixed with the sweat and salt on her skin making her feet sticky and clammy but she didn't care. She felt better, better than she had in weeks and it was because of him.

She had been sleeping better since that night a week before when he had found her on the couch and walked her up the stairs into bed. She felt better since he had told her that he would wait for her, since she had admitted to him, to herself that it would be better to forget. Everything. She had admitted that she had wanted to forget and then it became easier to remember.

She bent over to take in a deep breath with her hands on her hips as she arrived down the beach from the back step and turned to look out at the water. It looked so inviting as the air started to cool and the sun turned bright pink. The last rays of sun glistened off the water and she stripped the tank top off over her head, dropping it to the sand behind her as she waded into the water in her jogging shorts and sports bra. The surrounding beach was deserted. Families were inside eating dinner and the college students were heading back to their various campuses for the beginning of the semester. The summer was coming to a close as was her month of leave, and it was time to start heading back to reality. It was time to start healing. Her skin goose pimpled slightly as she waded in up to her knees and a wave came up to splash her belly. It was strange, she had been at the beach house for three weeks and this was the first time she had gone in the water. Her hands came up to splash water on her face and shoulders and her fingers ran down her arm to scratch at the itch of a phantom ant bite before she stopped, reminding herself that it didn't actually itch anymore. It was all in her head.

She wasn't in danger anymore. She wasn't being held. She was at home. Safe and the pain: the itchy spots on her body, the self-inflicted scars on her arms that burned when she awoke in the middle of the night, was all in her head. She didn't actually hurt anymore. And that was okay. It was okay to heal, to get better.

She dunked her head under the water and sat in the surf for a few minutes as she let she waves wash up over her. Cleansing her.

It was okay.

It has been a harsh realization that first day when she had found the note; that her actions no longer only affected her. He was there for her, with her. He had been since Montgomery was shot, standing beside her while she had pushed him away, begging for space, lying to him— saying that she was no longer looking into her mother's case like he had begged her not to. It was only when he was gone, that she realized how much she missed him. She had remembered him when she hadn't known her own name.

That was something. Something important. That was…

"I love him," Kate whispered out over the water and a tear leaked out of her eye, making it burn slightly from the salt.

She loved him and that was okay.

_Because he loves you, too. _

He loved her and that was okay. He was allowed to love her. She was still loveable and he was waiting. For her.

She made her way back up to the house slowly, bending to save her shirt from the surf as she did, water dripping off of her body. She fished the key out of the small mesh pocket in her shorts and unlocked the back door, walking slowly into the kitchen. She danced from foot to foot on the tile floor as she stared into the refrigerator. She had gone to the store after she had popped a couple of pills to relieve her headache and recovered from her hangover. She had picked up food and a swimsuit she still hadn't used. She had done her laundry when she had gotten back to the house and cleaned everything. She had stared at herself in the mirror for an hour, forcing her eyes to not look away as she studied the scars on her body— new and old. She saw the black bags under her eyes and the gaunt look of her face. Her ribs were starting to show and her arms were speckled with shiny spots from where her fingers had scratched the bug bites until they bled. She was a mess and it was time to get better.

She had started to eat full meals again, forcing herself to have something with her coffee when she woke up in the morning, lunch at noon and dinner around 6pm every day. She had scheduled it. There were alarms set on her phone as reminders. She had always scoffed when Javi had teased her, calling her a control freak but if this is what being out of control had done to her then she as perfectly happy to schedule everything, plan every event and set timers. She needed that control back so she had gotten it and she had done it on her own.

She danced from foot to foot as she stared into the fridge, working to keep her wet body warm as she decided what to eat for dinner, finally reaching in to pull out a pack of chicken breasts and a pile of vegetables. She had put back on weight the past week and she was feeling good. She had energy, she was sleeping through the night and she even found herself smiling and singing to herself upon occasion.

She was doing okay.

She popped the pan of chicken and vegetables into the oven to roast and ran across the house, up the stairs to the bathroom, flipping on the hot water, stripping down out of her clothes and jumping into the hot spray of the water before her teeth began to chatter too badly. It burned her skin at first but she let out a sigh of relief as she body began to warm and she washed the salt, sand and sweat from her skin. Her short, dark hair was plastered to her neck and she ran her hands through it, pulling it away from her body, smiling to herself as they stopped at the ends of the short strands and no longer expected to continue down through long hair. She was getting used to it again and was actually kind of starting to like it.

Most of her clothes were already packed. She had set aside a couple of outfits: one for the night and a pair of jeans and a t-shirt to wear the next day for the trip home. She pulled on the night shirt and pants she had set aside and ran the towel through her hair one more time as the timer buzzed for the chicken and she made her way back down the stairs to the kitchen to pull the pan out of the oven.

* * *

><p>Her apartment was silent and the click from the door closing behind her echoed through the space. The light was dim, filtering through the small windows and the month old stale air. Everything was the same from when she had left. The newspaper was still on the table. The plant was still dying on the windowsill. There was still a dirty plate and cup in the sink. Her keys clanked as they dropped into the bowl by the door and she padded across the floor to her room without sparing the office a second glance. It was going to be hard, harder than she had thought when she had come up with the plan a week before.<p>

It was a simple plan, only three steps. A three-step program. She could do that. Easy.

She placed her bag on her bed and let out a shaky breath as she pivoted on her heels and made her way back out of her room to the office. The shutters were closed but she could still see it: the sea of yellow post-it notes, the scribbled lines of words, the endless hours she had spent staring at it all, willing it to make sense. Her fingers shook as she reached out for the latch, flipping it up before gripping the knobs and pulling the shutters open to stare at the wall of paper. Facts.

She stared at it for a moment, forcing herself to remember, to breathe. She could do this. She would be okay. It would be safe. He would take care of it, of her. She could trust him with this.

She turned around slowly and walked back across the apartment, pulling a cardboard box from the hall closet before turning back towards her mother's murder board.

It was a slow, methodical process, pulling each photo, each document and each yellow square of paper from the wall. She bent the tape back carefully to keep the sticky side from catching any other piece of paper. She placed each document in the box in order. She organized each file, back to the way it was supposed to be before placing them in the box as well. Once the wall was bare and the sun shown back through the window she started working on the floor; throwing the scraps of paper and empty wine bottles into a garbage bag, which she placed by the front door. She would throw that out on her way out of the apartment.

Her hand drifted to her chest for a moment and she gripped the ring that hung there in her fist, taking a deep breath and closing her eyes for a moment as she stood with the box at her feet.

She could do this.

She could let go.

She could give up the control to him. She could remember to eat and be able to sleep, she could allow herself to be happy and he could have this. Her vice grip loosened off of the necklace and she reached out a shaky hand as she bent down with jelly legs. Her hands gripped the sides of the box and she lifted herself back up. She could do this. She could show him that she was ready.

* * *

><p>Castle's fingers tapped at the keys lightly as he weaved the latest tale of Nikki and Rook. He hadn't heard anything from her in the week since he had left her sleeping in his room at the beach house. He had searched the house with the intent of throwing away any more bottles of alcohol but had found none. Not even a bottle of wine. He wasn't proud to admit that he had gone through the trash or that he was surprised that he hadn't found any more liquor bottles in there either. He had intended on staying the night and give her a lecture the next morning about how she was going to end up like her father and that she shouldn't fall into the bottle like that but then he had realized that he didn't need to. She hadn't been doing this for the past few weeks. She hadn't fallen down the rabbit hole and been drinking herself to sleep every night. She may be a little fractured but she wasn't broken. She was still Kate, she just had to realize it again and she said she had to do that alone. He could give her that.<p>

At least, he could give her that for another week. Gina had called him two days before, reminding him of the book tour he had ditched in order to head to Florida. He needed to reschedule. He had told her that he would think about it and get back to her and he had every intention of doing just that but the end decision was yet to be seen. Come Monday, Kate's month of leave would be over and either he would sit down in his chair beside her at the precinct and hand over her grande non-fat latte with two pumps of sugar-free vanilla or he would finish his book tour. The choice was up to her.

His fingers tapped on the keyboard a couple more times and he sighed. Alexis was out with Ashley. The boy was leaving for Stanford in a couple of weeks and he and Alexis hadn't stopped making goo-goo eyes at each other for the past week. His mother was… somewhere… The loft was quiet, too quiet, and he was tempted to blast the stereo just to stop the silence. He sighed again and pushed himself out of the chair, stretching as he made his way to the living room, flipping through a few stacks of CDs before tossing them back onto the shelf, the sound of the plastic clashing together, temporarily breaking the silence. He turned back towards his office only to freeze at the sound of a quiet knock on the front door.

His heart was pounding in his chest, threatening to break a few ribs, fracture his sternum, and his stomach fluttered as he forced his legs to propel him across the wooden floor. He sucked in a breath and paused, praying, eyes closed, as his hand closed around the doorknob and he forced his eyes open as he pulled the door open and came face to face with Kate Beckett.

She looked better than she had all summer and he found he couldn't stop staring at her as she looked up at him across the threshold.

"Hi," She started quietly, the word forced.

"Hey," he replied as he studied her face, her eyes. They were greener now than they had seemed in years.

One of her hands drifted up to brush her hair back behind her ear and his eyes drifted up to take in the dark locks.

"You cut your hair. It's darker," he continued, mentally kicking himself as he heard to words that passed through his lips.

Smooth Castle.

"Yeah," she replied. "I wanted something different."

"It looks good. Like it did when we met."

"Yeah. Thanks."

Her hands fidgeted at her stomach, fingers playing with each other as they continued to stare at each other awkwardly, both searching for the right words.

"How are you doing?" He asked finally.

Her eyes flickered up, a spark of something in them: strength, maybe, or resolution. "Okay, I'm doing okay, better than yesterday, not as good as tomorrow but I'm okay."

"You want to come in?" He asked finally and the relieved smile that passed across her face was his answer. Of course she wanted to come in, that's why she was here.

Her eyes drifted down and she bent over suddenly, picking up the box that he hadn't noticed had been resting by her feet. "Yeah, I would. I have something to give you."

He watched as she held out the box to him as she continued to stand in the hall. He took the box, nodding in confusion until his eyes drifted down and he caught sight of the documents and photos staring back at him.

"Kate…" he started, his eyes darting back up to her.

"I want you to keep it," she blurted out suddenly a hand gripping the ends of her hair. "I want you to hold onto it until I'm ready, until _we_ are ready to dive back into it again.

He nodded slowly, cradling the cardboard to his chest as he stepped back into the, gesturing for her to follow him. He turned to take the box into his office and he heard the door close softly behind him. When he returned to the living room she was still standing in the entry, just inside the doorway. She had a fist held up to her mouth.

""I _want _to be ready," she stated softly. "But I'm not sure if I am. I want you…"

Her voice drifted off again and he sucked in a breath as he waited for her to continue.

"I want you to take this," she said holding out her fist to him. "And when you are ready I want you to give it back to me."

Castle looked down at the object she placed in his open palm and his eyes opened in surprise when she saw her mother's wedding ring staring back at him.

"But when you do. When you give it back to me, I want you to be putting it on my finger."

Her words danced in his head as he repeated them back to himself. She wanted him to… oh.

Oh.

He could feel the smile moving across his face, threatening to break it open. He nodded. "Okay."

He watched as her mouth broke into a relieved smile and she bit her lip suddenly, a small glimpse of that old Kate breaking through, staring back at him. Not battered and broken anymore. Only slightly fractured and starting to heal. With him.

"Okay."


End file.
